Sunday, December 30, 2007
And I was feeling soooo good too
Saturday was as I expected. We slept in (which I don't want to get used to), Tim brought be breakfast in bed, well, while I got ready to go...and off to the hospital we went! They gave us a choice of what room because I think they knew I really didn't want to go back into the room where I was the other day (bad luck)...I got wired for sound and there I sat patiently waiting...
I get hooked up and the nurse looks at me funny, like I have 3 heads and says "hunny, do you get nervous when you come up here"? And I said...not really....apparently my heartrate was oh...130 beats per minute...I tried to calm down and relax, but it didn't seem to go below 100 the whole time I was there, just chilling out, watching TV. So, believe me I tried my hardest to get it to go down before the doctor came in, but sure enough, no luck.
Other than stubborn Miss Kara moving ALL OVER and not being able to sit still long enough to get her heart rate, the doctor said everything looks fine! Though, he still wants to see me twice a week until the end of my pregancy. The good news is, he's not letting me go past 39 weeks, which is the end of January, so Kara will be here in January sometime!!!!!!!!!, but he said whether that's in 4 weeks or 2, he's not sure, I'm measuring 37 weeks, so everything is up in the air. I asked him again, if everything looks alright, why did you take me off work and put me on "modified bedrest"...he just grins and told me that I need to calm down and relax and his exact words were "you are a high strung person, time to relax before she comes"....so....
Tuesday the 2nd I was supposed to have an appt in his office for my check-up and another NST/Fetal monitoring....but no...that's too damn easy...he wants us to come to the hospital at 10a.m. be hooked up to the monitor, and the only way that he is assured I will get an ultrasound on the 2nd is he wants to put me in the hospital and order a STAT ultrasound. Because apparently he thinks that I will not be able to get one done on the 2nd because it's right after the holiday and he wants it done that day. So God knows how long we will be in that damn hospital room again. It looks like I will be having ultrasounds once a weeks too!! Maybe one of these times I will get to have a 4D and be able to see what she looks like. I will update more after I know more...all I do know, is that I'M ALREADY EXTREMELY BORED...I want to do so much, but "daddy of the year" yells at me whenever I want to do something...he says he is only worried about me and his baby girl...sweet I know!
I get hooked up and the nurse looks at me funny, like I have 3 heads and says "hunny, do you get nervous when you come up here"? And I said...not really....apparently my heartrate was oh...130 beats per minute...I tried to calm down and relax, but it didn't seem to go below 100 the whole time I was there, just chilling out, watching TV. So, believe me I tried my hardest to get it to go down before the doctor came in, but sure enough, no luck.
Other than stubborn Miss Kara moving ALL OVER and not being able to sit still long enough to get her heart rate, the doctor said everything looks fine! Though, he still wants to see me twice a week until the end of my pregancy. The good news is, he's not letting me go past 39 weeks, which is the end of January, so Kara will be here in January sometime!!!!!!!!!, but he said whether that's in 4 weeks or 2, he's not sure, I'm measuring 37 weeks, so everything is up in the air. I asked him again, if everything looks alright, why did you take me off work and put me on "modified bedrest"...he just grins and told me that I need to calm down and relax and his exact words were "you are a high strung person, time to relax before she comes"....so....
Tuesday the 2nd I was supposed to have an appt in his office for my check-up and another NST/Fetal monitoring....but no...that's too damn easy...he wants us to come to the hospital at 10a.m. be hooked up to the monitor, and the only way that he is assured I will get an ultrasound on the 2nd is he wants to put me in the hospital and order a STAT ultrasound. Because apparently he thinks that I will not be able to get one done on the 2nd because it's right after the holiday and he wants it done that day. So God knows how long we will be in that damn hospital room again. It looks like I will be having ultrasounds once a weeks too!! Maybe one of these times I will get to have a 4D and be able to see what she looks like. I will update more after I know more...all I do know, is that I'M ALREADY EXTREMELY BORED...I want to do so much, but "daddy of the year" yells at me whenever I want to do something...he says he is only worried about me and his baby girl...sweet I know!
Friday, December 28, 2007
P.S.
P.S. Got a Christmas card from my "Dad" and Step-mother...and it reads as follows
"we were pleastly surprised to receive your wonderful card, you are in our thoughts" Dad and Jan
Just another thing to upset me, make me cry, and well...mad...
the card is in the garbage!
"we were pleastly surprised to receive your wonderful card, you are in our thoughts" Dad and Jan
Just another thing to upset me, make me cry, and well...mad...
the card is in the garbage!
Can't stay on my feet!
Now that things have seemed to calm down a for a bit and it's now Friday night at 9p.m., I can tell my story!
On Dec 26th, Tim and I were walking out the door each on our way to work. He kissed me at the top step, as my Jeep was parked at the bottom of the stairs, said our goodbyes and I love yous and I started down the steps...well started down one step and fell the rest of the 4 onto a concrete landing and if I hadn't have put my hands up I would have done a face plant into the driver side door of my Jeep. It is all pretty much a blur to me right, but Tim and his sister-in-law stood in total amazement. Tim almost instantly came over to me to help me relax and try to get up, of course I'm more worried about messing up my hair and what if I needed to change quick before I go to work, I yelled at him to leave me be I can get up on my own, but when I tried to get up, the tears started flowing and I realized I was stuck and was hurting all over. Once I managed to get up and contain myself I picked up my purse and was more worried about being late to work than the pain in my ass...literally. I was soo worried about Kara also, but I also realized that my butt has got a lot of padding and she should be alright. Tim wouldn't let me leave until he made sure I was ok, but also was kind of nervous (ok...really nervous...ok...in tears) He thought we should go to the hospital to get checked out and I was more just wanting to go to work. Once I got to work, I warned to girls what had happened and they both convinced me to go get checked out, but of course it was the day after a holiday and we were busy and I wasn't going to leave them high and dry. So, at about 10a.m. as I began to walk lamer and lamer they told me to get out of there and go to the hospital. I explained I should be back in an hour or two, I won't need to take a lunch, I will grab something on my way back, etc. etc. To the hospital I drove, meeting Tim there who was working. I met Tim in the ER and we walked to labor and delivery, explaining what had happened, yadda yadda yadda. They hooked me up to the monitor, which Miss Kara hated, everytime they got her heartbeat, she thought she would be a true "mommy's girl" and decide to move...pissing off the nurses, who would have to come in to re-adjust, so needless to say, before I left she was known as Baby Brat Kara!
Well, just as I expected, the doctor came in, told me that everything should be ok, the baby looks good on the monitor, but if he would like he can order an ultrasound just to be on the safe side...I'm like...yeah...I've wanted another one, but they have no reason to give me one, so the perfect opportunity to have my 4D like I've wanted...so just as I thought we were going to have an ultrasound and be discharged...
We traveled to ultrasound and I got on the bed, he started the ultrasound and I said, I need to re-position (i was flat on my back, and I just fell down the stairs 3 hours prior and my buttocks is really sore) The ultrasound man put a cushion to raise my legs and I felt a little better...so I thought...I all of a sudden just felt horrible. I asked Tim if it was hot in the room, and he said no, and told me to relax, he felt my head and I was sweating bad and the next thing I know, I'm in a deep sleep dreaming, for about 10 minutes, I wake up as Tim and the "ultra-man" are rolling me to my side to get a better picture of the baby. I wake up and feel fine. I told Tim about my dream, and he looked at me funny. Back up to my room we go, get blood drawn, order my lunch, and the next thing I know, the phone is ringing and it's my doctor. He explains that Kara isn't breathing as well as she should be (she breathed 6 out of 8 times) and th blood flow from the cord to her isn't getting to her as well as it should be, so I need to stay overnight and be monitored and they are repeating my ultrasound in the morning. But, if things get worse we will be going to Syracuse. So, of course, I FREAK out and hand the phone to Tim so Dr. Doddard can explain everything to Tim. The next thing I know, they are starting an IV, keeping me still, taking my blood pressure every hour and now I'm getting a shot in my booty! The shot was help mature Kara's lungs in case she decides to come early (ok...now I'm really freaking out) I came here because I took a fall down my back steps, what the heck is going on! I finally get calmed down and got arrangements made for Brandon and everything, but I was still nervous. Luckily I had GREAT nurses who explained everything, and Kara was looking fine on the monitor. Also, little did I know until about 430 that I was also contracting every 10-15 minutes per the monitor. I didn't feel them, but they were registering and coming right along!
So, my lovely friends came to visit me and calmed me down and all that jazz, but once they left I was a wreck again, crying and carrying on, how I'm not ready, my bags aren't packed, to I wanted a shower and I hate IV's, I want to move, but everytime I do Kara moves and they have re-adjust the damn monitor and I dont' want to be a pain in the ass patient, etc. etc. etc.
About 11p.m. I decided it was time to get shut eye...yeah right...I was tired all right, but just couldn't get comfy and just when I did, it was time to take my damn blood pressure again, Tim, on the other hand was snoring away in the next bed over. At 3a.m. I carried on a conversation with my nurse for about 45 minutes or so, mainly we laughed at Tim, but I just wanted it to be morning so I could have this ultrasound, know everything is alright and leave because I just wanted to go home!
Morning came, new nurses came in, and more bad news followed. My ultrasound was scheduled for 8...which turned into 9 and I was getting a roomate, and I needed to stay until at least 6p.m. because I had to get another shot of steriods in my hiney for Kara's lungs. That made me just about NUTS. We went down to have our ultrasound and had the best lady ever (Darby) who assured me that things look alot better than the day before, Kara had the hiccups so her breathing was on track, she didn't see a cord around the neck, and the blood flow is better.
So, we mosied on back up to my room, who know is occupied by someone else who's being induced and I climb back in bed and sit...and wait...and complain to my mother, and cry to my mother how I don't want to be here, and what if this, and what if that, what if....Luckily I knew most of the nurses, so they were able to give me my shot a couple hours early and I got to come home around 430, but again not without crappy news. Dr. Doddard took me out of work until further notice, I have to come back Saturday for another tracing (be hooked up to the monitor) and he needs to consult with my Endocrinologist in Syracuse because he thinks that is what is causing all these problems, my thyroid or lack there of!
I'm home now, but I wasn't home 10 minutes and started crying, because now that I'm not hooked to the monitor and can hear and see her every movement, I'm nervous. I came home, jumped in the shower and came downstairs in my pj's and made Tim and the kids wait on me hand and foot. Brandon came in the house and looked all over, he thought Kara was here, and was confused on why she wasn't. I went to bed at 9p.m. and woke up at 9a.m., it felt kind of nice, but I also, was sad that I wasn't at work.
Today was a busy day, we got around and out of the house to run errands at 1230, we went to the doctor's office to have him fill out paperwork, had to get my out of work slip, take that to the bank, chatted with the girls, told them the story, paid some bills and headed out to walmart at 1ish, ate at subway (because I can't grocery shop if I'm hungry) well, that didn't seem to help $150 and 2 hours later we leave Walmart. I had to get stuff because I was determined to pack my bags today! We stocked up on meat and stuff to have in the house, now that we won't be going out to eat as much. We ran to Kinney's to get my perscription and came home. I had a few contractions in Walmart, which made Tim nervous, but I just wanted to come home and sit on the couch....yeah...right....
I went upstairs and decided that I am going to clean Kara's room and get ready! I finished packing her diaper bag, I hung some pictures, hung some clothes she got for Christmas, put my boppy cover on my boppy, packed my bag with my new Pj's and all my trail size stuff, etc. I just need to do some laundry to get MY coming home outfit packed. I got yelled at by Tim who told me to get my @$$ downstairs and sit down, but I, like normal, ignored him and kept going. I came downstairs at 5 and realxed, got up at 630ish and made dinner, planned next weeks meals and sat on the couch. We bought wooden letters and paint today at Walmart so Tim and I painted them and are waiting for them to dry, so I decided to blog. I'm sure the paint is dry so I'm going to go finish them now!
I will post more tomorrow after I get home from the hospital, throw a birthday party for my 2 year old step-son and all my company leaves....yeah yeah yeah...slow down and de-stress...there will be plenty of time for that when baby Kara gets here!
xx00 to all
On Dec 26th, Tim and I were walking out the door each on our way to work. He kissed me at the top step, as my Jeep was parked at the bottom of the stairs, said our goodbyes and I love yous and I started down the steps...well started down one step and fell the rest of the 4 onto a concrete landing and if I hadn't have put my hands up I would have done a face plant into the driver side door of my Jeep. It is all pretty much a blur to me right, but Tim and his sister-in-law stood in total amazement. Tim almost instantly came over to me to help me relax and try to get up, of course I'm more worried about messing up my hair and what if I needed to change quick before I go to work, I yelled at him to leave me be I can get up on my own, but when I tried to get up, the tears started flowing and I realized I was stuck and was hurting all over. Once I managed to get up and contain myself I picked up my purse and was more worried about being late to work than the pain in my ass...literally. I was soo worried about Kara also, but I also realized that my butt has got a lot of padding and she should be alright. Tim wouldn't let me leave until he made sure I was ok, but also was kind of nervous (ok...really nervous...ok...in tears) He thought we should go to the hospital to get checked out and I was more just wanting to go to work. Once I got to work, I warned to girls what had happened and they both convinced me to go get checked out, but of course it was the day after a holiday and we were busy and I wasn't going to leave them high and dry. So, at about 10a.m. as I began to walk lamer and lamer they told me to get out of there and go to the hospital. I explained I should be back in an hour or two, I won't need to take a lunch, I will grab something on my way back, etc. etc. To the hospital I drove, meeting Tim there who was working. I met Tim in the ER and we walked to labor and delivery, explaining what had happened, yadda yadda yadda. They hooked me up to the monitor, which Miss Kara hated, everytime they got her heartbeat, she thought she would be a true "mommy's girl" and decide to move...pissing off the nurses, who would have to come in to re-adjust, so needless to say, before I left she was known as Baby Brat Kara!
Well, just as I expected, the doctor came in, told me that everything should be ok, the baby looks good on the monitor, but if he would like he can order an ultrasound just to be on the safe side...I'm like...yeah...I've wanted another one, but they have no reason to give me one, so the perfect opportunity to have my 4D like I've wanted...so just as I thought we were going to have an ultrasound and be discharged...
We traveled to ultrasound and I got on the bed, he started the ultrasound and I said, I need to re-position (i was flat on my back, and I just fell down the stairs 3 hours prior and my buttocks is really sore) The ultrasound man put a cushion to raise my legs and I felt a little better...so I thought...I all of a sudden just felt horrible. I asked Tim if it was hot in the room, and he said no, and told me to relax, he felt my head and I was sweating bad and the next thing I know, I'm in a deep sleep dreaming, for about 10 minutes, I wake up as Tim and the "ultra-man" are rolling me to my side to get a better picture of the baby. I wake up and feel fine. I told Tim about my dream, and he looked at me funny. Back up to my room we go, get blood drawn, order my lunch, and the next thing I know, the phone is ringing and it's my doctor. He explains that Kara isn't breathing as well as she should be (she breathed 6 out of 8 times) and th blood flow from the cord to her isn't getting to her as well as it should be, so I need to stay overnight and be monitored and they are repeating my ultrasound in the morning. But, if things get worse we will be going to Syracuse. So, of course, I FREAK out and hand the phone to Tim so Dr. Doddard can explain everything to Tim. The next thing I know, they are starting an IV, keeping me still, taking my blood pressure every hour and now I'm getting a shot in my booty! The shot was help mature Kara's lungs in case she decides to come early (ok...now I'm really freaking out) I came here because I took a fall down my back steps, what the heck is going on! I finally get calmed down and got arrangements made for Brandon and everything, but I was still nervous. Luckily I had GREAT nurses who explained everything, and Kara was looking fine on the monitor. Also, little did I know until about 430 that I was also contracting every 10-15 minutes per the monitor. I didn't feel them, but they were registering and coming right along!
So, my lovely friends came to visit me and calmed me down and all that jazz, but once they left I was a wreck again, crying and carrying on, how I'm not ready, my bags aren't packed, to I wanted a shower and I hate IV's, I want to move, but everytime I do Kara moves and they have re-adjust the damn monitor and I dont' want to be a pain in the ass patient, etc. etc. etc.
About 11p.m. I decided it was time to get shut eye...yeah right...I was tired all right, but just couldn't get comfy and just when I did, it was time to take my damn blood pressure again, Tim, on the other hand was snoring away in the next bed over. At 3a.m. I carried on a conversation with my nurse for about 45 minutes or so, mainly we laughed at Tim, but I just wanted it to be morning so I could have this ultrasound, know everything is alright and leave because I just wanted to go home!
Morning came, new nurses came in, and more bad news followed. My ultrasound was scheduled for 8...which turned into 9 and I was getting a roomate, and I needed to stay until at least 6p.m. because I had to get another shot of steriods in my hiney for Kara's lungs. That made me just about NUTS. We went down to have our ultrasound and had the best lady ever (Darby) who assured me that things look alot better than the day before, Kara had the hiccups so her breathing was on track, she didn't see a cord around the neck, and the blood flow is better.
So, we mosied on back up to my room, who know is occupied by someone else who's being induced and I climb back in bed and sit...and wait...and complain to my mother, and cry to my mother how I don't want to be here, and what if this, and what if that, what if....Luckily I knew most of the nurses, so they were able to give me my shot a couple hours early and I got to come home around 430, but again not without crappy news. Dr. Doddard took me out of work until further notice, I have to come back Saturday for another tracing (be hooked up to the monitor) and he needs to consult with my Endocrinologist in Syracuse because he thinks that is what is causing all these problems, my thyroid or lack there of!
I'm home now, but I wasn't home 10 minutes and started crying, because now that I'm not hooked to the monitor and can hear and see her every movement, I'm nervous. I came home, jumped in the shower and came downstairs in my pj's and made Tim and the kids wait on me hand and foot. Brandon came in the house and looked all over, he thought Kara was here, and was confused on why she wasn't. I went to bed at 9p.m. and woke up at 9a.m., it felt kind of nice, but I also, was sad that I wasn't at work.
Today was a busy day, we got around and out of the house to run errands at 1230, we went to the doctor's office to have him fill out paperwork, had to get my out of work slip, take that to the bank, chatted with the girls, told them the story, paid some bills and headed out to walmart at 1ish, ate at subway (because I can't grocery shop if I'm hungry) well, that didn't seem to help $150 and 2 hours later we leave Walmart. I had to get stuff because I was determined to pack my bags today! We stocked up on meat and stuff to have in the house, now that we won't be going out to eat as much. We ran to Kinney's to get my perscription and came home. I had a few contractions in Walmart, which made Tim nervous, but I just wanted to come home and sit on the couch....yeah...right....
I went upstairs and decided that I am going to clean Kara's room and get ready! I finished packing her diaper bag, I hung some pictures, hung some clothes she got for Christmas, put my boppy cover on my boppy, packed my bag with my new Pj's and all my trail size stuff, etc. I just need to do some laundry to get MY coming home outfit packed. I got yelled at by Tim who told me to get my @$$ downstairs and sit down, but I, like normal, ignored him and kept going. I came downstairs at 5 and realxed, got up at 630ish and made dinner, planned next weeks meals and sat on the couch. We bought wooden letters and paint today at Walmart so Tim and I painted them and are waiting for them to dry, so I decided to blog. I'm sure the paint is dry so I'm going to go finish them now!
I will post more tomorrow after I get home from the hospital, throw a birthday party for my 2 year old step-son and all my company leaves....yeah yeah yeah...slow down and de-stress...there will be plenty of time for that when baby Kara gets here!
xx00 to all
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas to all
Well, so I guess holidays are much like planning a wedding, all the anticipation and spending all that money and seeing people you don't see very often comes down to one day and a day that flies by so quick.
It all started yesterday, I got up and went to work, came home starting peeling potatoes for Tim's family to come over (his brother and sis-in-law), Tim stuck the ham in the oven and I finally sat about 4 while my potatoes boiled and Tim was out snow-blowing the driveway. They came, we ate, we picked up, we went to church at 7, came home opened presents, played with presents, visited, they left, we went to bed, of course not before Santa had to come and place presents under the tree!
This morning, we actually woke the boys up...yes...only the boys...we are having a VERY difficult time with Makayla, and it seems like a never ending battle and war. We all came downstairs together about 9ish and opened presents. This year was so much more fun with Tyler he was so excited. He actually THANKED us for each little gift he got. We would hand him a present and he would say "thank you". I think his favorite present was the set of matchbox cars I got at the dollar store for $1. He did love everything though. He got his own laptop from Uncle Doug and Aunt Katrina and played with that all night. Brandon got some big gifts also, mostly stupid games (x-box and playstation) he has been playing all darn day. We played with the kids for a while, made phone calls to family and then got ready to go up my Mom and Dad's. Poor Tyler got to spend Christmas with his "so-called" mother, so he got dropped off on the way to Croghan. We got there and visited and inhaled shrimp and opened presents. My parents got Brandon a fish pole that is like a rocket launcher. You cock it like a gun and then it casts 30 feet into the water. Tim got a wonderful new fleece jacket and a beautiful lamp for our livingroom, which he hasn't stopped touching since we got home, we've already ran-sacked the other light and put it in the attic and the new one is on the table. I got many things, things from necklaces to body wash to nursing pajamas to burp cloths. Kara also got some cool clothes from Grannie and Gramps.
Grannie got to feel Miss Kara move today (who as I type is kicking the ever loving crap out of me. I told her I wasn't leaving today until she felt her move. So I pigged out on Pork tenderloin and mashed potatoes and layed down on the couch and waited...sure enough she started moving, I called mom in and she stopped. Mom would leave and Kara would start!! Finally she got a little kick, it wasn't the usual "oh my" kick, but it was a little one.
We packed the Jeep and headed home around 730, I always hate leaving and I think next year I am packing up everyone and everything and coming to stay with her next year for Christmas. This is my second year not waking up at my moms, and I have to say it's better this year than last, but I still hate leaving. Kara will be here next year, so who knows what will happen.
I was listening to a Celine Dion Christmas CD on the way home that my mother bought 2 of, not knowing and gave me one, and I got quite emotional. We got half way to Carthage and I looked over at Tim and said..."well, it's 730 and I've gotten no phone call from Dad (California) or my Aunt Collette (in Syracuse)" And I know it works both ways, but really I have sent a Christmas card to both and have gifts for my Aunt and Cousins, but really it makes me soooo sad to know that they can't even call. My father, I can really understand, but not my Aunt. I text messaged my cousin earlier and she texted back, but still no phone call!
My dad (if I can sum this up in a few words) is upset and hasn't talked to me since September because he was told he isn't the only one walking me down the isle in September at my wedding. I mean, after all these years of him not being in my life, he really thinks that I'm going to let him, and only him walk me down the isle, when my FATHER Steve has really been my father for the last 15 years of my life. Mind you my dad and I haven't really gone a year consecutively with speaking to each other. Something always comes up where we end up fighting and we just don't talk. Well it had been almost a year and he showed up from California in Watertown in August, he showed up on my back step and thought we should talk and that after he left everything would be ok...and it was...it was great...I was talking to him almost everyday and he was helping me plan the wedding and offered graciously to pay for half of it and was extremely excited about being a grandpa. Then out of the blue in a civil conversation he chose not to continue to speak to me because I chose to have Steve walk me down the isle with him. He didn't think it was right and he said, he will not be there if that is how it will be. And he doesn't know if he will ever be able to get over it and he has chosen not to speak to me. It really shouldn't bother me because it's really just another Christmas where I haven't talked to my father, but he didn't even bother sending a Christmas Card at all, nothing...I'm so upset and hurt. In the past even though we haven't talked, he still sent a card, not this year. I sent him one...does that make me the bigger person?
I guess as my weeks dwindle down and there is only 6 weeks left of me being...well....me, I am getting more emotional and as always family is important to me, and I think in a few weeks I will be going through a life-changing event and it's hard even though I have the support and a father (even though he's not my blood father) who loves me like I was his own, it's still not the same. And a part of me doesn't even want to tell him and send him pictures, but I'm sure I will because I will be proud of my daughter and no matter what or who she is, or the choices she makes, I will never turn my back on her...I will love her...respect her and always be there for her, just like my mother always has been and I know she's not going anywhere.
Alright, time for bed, I can't stop crying. Just needed to vent.
It all started yesterday, I got up and went to work, came home starting peeling potatoes for Tim's family to come over (his brother and sis-in-law), Tim stuck the ham in the oven and I finally sat about 4 while my potatoes boiled and Tim was out snow-blowing the driveway. They came, we ate, we picked up, we went to church at 7, came home opened presents, played with presents, visited, they left, we went to bed, of course not before Santa had to come and place presents under the tree!
This morning, we actually woke the boys up...yes...only the boys...we are having a VERY difficult time with Makayla, and it seems like a never ending battle and war. We all came downstairs together about 9ish and opened presents. This year was so much more fun with Tyler he was so excited. He actually THANKED us for each little gift he got. We would hand him a present and he would say "thank you". I think his favorite present was the set of matchbox cars I got at the dollar store for $1. He did love everything though. He got his own laptop from Uncle Doug and Aunt Katrina and played with that all night. Brandon got some big gifts also, mostly stupid games (x-box and playstation) he has been playing all darn day. We played with the kids for a while, made phone calls to family and then got ready to go up my Mom and Dad's. Poor Tyler got to spend Christmas with his "so-called" mother, so he got dropped off on the way to Croghan. We got there and visited and inhaled shrimp and opened presents. My parents got Brandon a fish pole that is like a rocket launcher. You cock it like a gun and then it casts 30 feet into the water. Tim got a wonderful new fleece jacket and a beautiful lamp for our livingroom, which he hasn't stopped touching since we got home, we've already ran-sacked the other light and put it in the attic and the new one is on the table. I got many things, things from necklaces to body wash to nursing pajamas to burp cloths. Kara also got some cool clothes from Grannie and Gramps.
Grannie got to feel Miss Kara move today (who as I type is kicking the ever loving crap out of me. I told her I wasn't leaving today until she felt her move. So I pigged out on Pork tenderloin and mashed potatoes and layed down on the couch and waited...sure enough she started moving, I called mom in and she stopped. Mom would leave and Kara would start!! Finally she got a little kick, it wasn't the usual "oh my" kick, but it was a little one.
We packed the Jeep and headed home around 730, I always hate leaving and I think next year I am packing up everyone and everything and coming to stay with her next year for Christmas. This is my second year not waking up at my moms, and I have to say it's better this year than last, but I still hate leaving. Kara will be here next year, so who knows what will happen.
I was listening to a Celine Dion Christmas CD on the way home that my mother bought 2 of, not knowing and gave me one, and I got quite emotional. We got half way to Carthage and I looked over at Tim and said..."well, it's 730 and I've gotten no phone call from Dad (California) or my Aunt Collette (in Syracuse)" And I know it works both ways, but really I have sent a Christmas card to both and have gifts for my Aunt and Cousins, but really it makes me soooo sad to know that they can't even call. My father, I can really understand, but not my Aunt. I text messaged my cousin earlier and she texted back, but still no phone call!
My dad (if I can sum this up in a few words) is upset and hasn't talked to me since September because he was told he isn't the only one walking me down the isle in September at my wedding. I mean, after all these years of him not being in my life, he really thinks that I'm going to let him, and only him walk me down the isle, when my FATHER Steve has really been my father for the last 15 years of my life. Mind you my dad and I haven't really gone a year consecutively with speaking to each other. Something always comes up where we end up fighting and we just don't talk. Well it had been almost a year and he showed up from California in Watertown in August, he showed up on my back step and thought we should talk and that after he left everything would be ok...and it was...it was great...I was talking to him almost everyday and he was helping me plan the wedding and offered graciously to pay for half of it and was extremely excited about being a grandpa. Then out of the blue in a civil conversation he chose not to continue to speak to me because I chose to have Steve walk me down the isle with him. He didn't think it was right and he said, he will not be there if that is how it will be. And he doesn't know if he will ever be able to get over it and he has chosen not to speak to me. It really shouldn't bother me because it's really just another Christmas where I haven't talked to my father, but he didn't even bother sending a Christmas Card at all, nothing...I'm so upset and hurt. In the past even though we haven't talked, he still sent a card, not this year. I sent him one...does that make me the bigger person?
I guess as my weeks dwindle down and there is only 6 weeks left of me being...well....me, I am getting more emotional and as always family is important to me, and I think in a few weeks I will be going through a life-changing event and it's hard even though I have the support and a father (even though he's not my blood father) who loves me like I was his own, it's still not the same. And a part of me doesn't even want to tell him and send him pictures, but I'm sure I will because I will be proud of my daughter and no matter what or who she is, or the choices she makes, I will never turn my back on her...I will love her...respect her and always be there for her, just like my mother always has been and I know she's not going anywhere.
Alright, time for bed, I can't stop crying. Just needed to vent.
Friday, December 21, 2007
...so I pee'd...in dollar tree...hehe
So, scenario...left a restaurant after having a couple water's and headed to walmart 17 miles away...got what we needed and started for the checkout...have an 8 year old with us, who wants to go to the toy isle. On the way there run into friends...chat for a while (sherry peer) finish and head back to the toys, rush both (yes both, tim is a kid too) to get going, check out and go out the door. Forget that I have to pee, because it's a monsoon out side and I'm of course just worried that my hair, that I spent a few minutes on is getting wet! So, we head to Dollar Tree and the boys take off, because I ran in to get stocking stuffers and I'm wandering, but hurring to get crap in the cart, when all of a sudden...AAAAA CHOOOOOOO.....and BOOM my pants are wet! Here I am, by myself and it's like the 3rd time I've been in the store (mind you the one in Watertown does not have a public restroom) and I don't think that they would either. So I continue to rush around and find a store clerk who I frantically ask if they have a restroom, and walk very fast and awkwardly to the bathroom...oh yeah...I pee'd!
Of course, I'm sure it's just one of many times this may happen throughout my life...and of course...I just had to share!
I really wanted so badly to have Kara today, I actually told Tim last night that I wanted to go into labor last night and have her today...but of course...I'm still prego! Today is my mom's 50th birthday, I just thought that I would give her a birthday present that she wouldn't forget!...I think she's just glad she wasn't a grandma in her 40's....love ya mom!
Of course, I'm sure it's just one of many times this may happen throughout my life...and of course...I just had to share!
I really wanted so badly to have Kara today, I actually told Tim last night that I wanted to go into labor last night and have her today...but of course...I'm still prego! Today is my mom's 50th birthday, I just thought that I would give her a birthday present that she wouldn't forget!...I think she's just glad she wasn't a grandma in her 40's....love ya mom!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
That's Just the Way It Is
So, another morning spent crying...I started crying when I rolled out of bed, all during my shower and on the way out the door...late for work...(not really, but my consideration of late). I'm getting so darn stressed out over the holidays. We have a house guest until Sunday. I'm working all week. Tim's got to focus on school, which leaves little time for work. I have 3 baskets of laundry that need folding and putting away, I have another basket over flowing that needs to be washed and dried...I only have one out of 3 kids wrapped...finally I'm done shopping...I will do no MORE! I believe the people in Kohl's know me by my first name. I finished up today on my lunch hour and still don't feel relieved.
Tim's doing his school stuff at Samaritan from 11a-11p, I am going home tonight and as much as I want to fall asleep as soon as I get home, it won't happen. I am not going to bed tonight, until all my Christmas presents are wrapped, my dishes are done, my laundry is in the dryer and my house is picked up. I'm so sick of things being in disaray. I get a break from Tyler tonight, no thanks to Heidi complaining to Tim, but there is no way I can get anything done with him there. He is in his terrible 2's and really wants all of my attention when I get home from work, and plus I figure he will try to help and I really don't want help! I'm working 8 hours tomorrow 10 hours on Friday and 4 hours on Saturday, I'm totally pooped! It's not like my next day off is a break where I can spend on the couch doing nothing. I'm actually looking foward to going on maternity leave to just relax and catch up on me. I'm so emotional, my thyroid issue is bothering me (the doctor is now worried about something called a thyroid storm when I deliver) so I've researched it, and of course I'm paranoid. I'm honestly ready to have this baby and the days are dragging on and on because I'm anxious. I got so worked up today, Tim got stressed and told me to call the doctor and come off work because I'm stressing way tooo much. Not a chance...I'll be here till my water breaks!
Tim's doing his school stuff at Samaritan from 11a-11p, I am going home tonight and as much as I want to fall asleep as soon as I get home, it won't happen. I am not going to bed tonight, until all my Christmas presents are wrapped, my dishes are done, my laundry is in the dryer and my house is picked up. I'm so sick of things being in disaray. I get a break from Tyler tonight, no thanks to Heidi complaining to Tim, but there is no way I can get anything done with him there. He is in his terrible 2's and really wants all of my attention when I get home from work, and plus I figure he will try to help and I really don't want help! I'm working 8 hours tomorrow 10 hours on Friday and 4 hours on Saturday, I'm totally pooped! It's not like my next day off is a break where I can spend on the couch doing nothing. I'm actually looking foward to going on maternity leave to just relax and catch up on me. I'm so emotional, my thyroid issue is bothering me (the doctor is now worried about something called a thyroid storm when I deliver) so I've researched it, and of course I'm paranoid. I'm honestly ready to have this baby and the days are dragging on and on because I'm anxious. I got so worked up today, Tim got stressed and told me to call the doctor and come off work because I'm stressing way tooo much. Not a chance...I'll be here till my water breaks!
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