Emotional Couple of Days

First things first...Miss Kara had her 2 month check up today...with shots...it wasn't as bad (for Tim and I) as I thought it would be, but still heartbreaking. My wonderful mother went with us, I think for moral support for me! Kara was naked and played on the table for a while before they came in...the doctor examined her...she's perfect...of course...and then she explained what vaccines she would be getting and what to expect, etc...then she got fussy and started to go to sleep in Grammie's arms when the mean shot lady came in...we laid her down on the table and Tim was next to her as I was at her head and one...two...three...scream"age" I tried to talk to her, but I was crying with her, the poor little girl was crying so much that she wouldn't breathe...I put a little breath in her face and she gasped for air...I quickly picked her up afterward and hugged her and told her sorry, and she just cuddled and fell right asleep...I think she wore her self out kicking and playing while being naked! She's still sleeping now as a matter of fact...3 hours later...but she didn't sleep much last night, I think she knew what was coming today!

Grampie had is 52nd birthday yesterday, along with Brandon who turned 9...Grampie was so excited to have Kara as his birthday present...along with a few beers. I'll tell you, I never imagined how he would be with her, I just figured it would be "just another baby" with Dad (Steve, that is, I totally disowned my "donor", but that's a whole other story that I really would need weeks to type, so from now on, Steve ((my step-father)) is referred to as Dad) but he is head over heals in love with this little girl and she is wrapped right around his finger! He misses her so much and often tells mom he can't wait a week to see her. He was happy and emotional too last night! We were glad that he had a great birthday.

My hormones (thanks to that lovely lack of thyroid and me just completely going off my medication) have taken a toll. I haven't..let's say...been the greatest person to live with the past couple of weeks, and worse recently. My hormones are all out of whack and I have to go Monday back to Syracuse to see what our next step would be. I know that I can't give up on myself or my body because I have a beautiful baby girl to take care of and a family that loves me. But, somedays I just wonder what my body would be like if they had just left my thyroid in there!

Anyway, I started this a while ago then Kara got fussy, so I fed her and gave her some tylenol, and now she just wants to be played with...thats all for now

xxoo to all

God Answers Prayers

Kara's first week with Daddy went awesome. They bonded all day, made up songs about me and helped out Mommy with the laundry. We met for lunch everyday and I got to kiss her up, I even got to feed her one day!

Tim's dad left to go back to Florida on Saturday, and the weekend just flew by. It started Friday night and never stopped until Sunday night. We had dinner with his dad and brother and SIL on Friday night at Art's Jug and let me just tell you that I thought someone had kidnapped our kids and gave us saints! I sat at the opposite end of the table with Tim's SIL. the kids...Makayla included sat down near Tim. I was nervous all week about this restaurant, for those who don't know is one of Watertown's better restaurants...not really kid friendly! Tim worked all Friday night and early Saturday morning we all met at Denny's with Tim's Aunt's and Uncle's for Breakfast and then we headed for Syraucse airport, from there we went up to my Mom and Dad's to have my Auntie Teresa meet Kara Bear for the first. We ate our Easter Dinner with my Mom and Dad and Step-brother and sister. Then we just crashed. Got up early for Sunday Easter Mass and then went to my Grandma's where I received the wonderful phone call from my boss (my job along with another one was terminated, I don't need to come to work on Monday) I was beside myself. But in a way a little happy, it gives me a chance to stay home with Kara. Tim was offered an AWESOME Job and hopefully in a couple weeks we will know the final answer (which we were already told he was hired) So the last 2 days were wonderful with Kara. I've gotten up early and got stuff done around the house, etc.

So, I am starting the job search again, but possibly just part time. I know I need benefits (Kara is covered until she is 1) but if it means staying with my little girl than I will. I am still employed at Guilfoyle and can pretty much set my own hours and work when I want (not to mention make 2x what I made at the bank) So 2 12 hour shifts a week will be my 40 hour week at the bank, just no benefits.

Other than that things are coming along well, most all of Kara's Easter pictures are on my Mom's camera so when I can get them I will post them! Easter just wasn't the same at 6 degrees!

love to all

It wasn't that bad!

Well, back to work today! Daddy is our hero and stayed home, as it seems he will be doing until we either a. find a new babysitter or b. till daddy gets a job and mommy can stay home (which pray that will happen by the end of the month!!!!) Our sitter cancelled last Thursday because she was kind of upset that the only day I needed her this week was Thursday. She thought that it would be guarenteed hours and needs the money. So daddy decided that he would work nights and mommy would work days.

Anyway, I'll post more later, Kara is crying because it's bath time!

She's AMAZING...PERFECT...and everything in between

Again, I will say, every single day Miss Kara amazes me. Its like everytime I look at her she looks different or does something different to make me smile. She makes the funniest faces when she's awake, she laughs in her sleep and frowns and whines as well. Everything makes me smile, knowing I was a part in making this precious little girl. We have a little bit of a spoiled little girl, but I'm thinking thats alright. Just like mommy, she will get everything she asks for...and more...if I have anything to say about it.

She has developed in a short 5 weeks her own little personality. I was explaining it to Tim today when she started crying....I said "it's her sad cry, she wants to be held" and viola...she stops! She gave us "the lip" today and I cried...it was so darn cute!

Well, we are still on the search for the right formula. We've been on Enfamil Lipil AR (Added rice) for about 2 weeks now, but recently we found that she has been gaging more thinking that her reflux is getting worse. The only good thing about this is that it's thicker and she sleeps longer at night. So yesterday we went to the doctor to see if it was getting worse and see what our next avenue is. He decided to switch her to Enfamil ProSobee (soy based)...let me tell you, we tried that last night, and Tim was in class so he didn't get the pleasure of trying to get her to eat the nasty crap, that stuff was so thin, and to start with I had a level 2 nipple (for the thicker stuff) and I realized it when I heard her drinking to fast, so I switched....she started to suck and started to scream...ok...back to the level 2...she liked it, so 4 oz later she was drinking so fast and making faces and the stuff all came back out. She burped, I gagged because it stunk BAD! At bedtime Daddy fed her and noticed how it was all coming out and said...she can't be getting enough so when she fell asleep and we dozed off around midnight, the monitors started!!! She slept for a while, around 4 the monitors started again. Now mind you the monitors haven't been going off (other than for the wires not hooked up good) for 2 weeks. So at the 5a.m. feeding, Daddy said enough was enough and he was going back to the AR...needless to say she was still sleeping at 10a.m.! When Marras Home Care called about the monitor because the doctor in Syracuse said to discontinue it (because their is nothing wrong apnea wise...yippee, he just belives its reflux...the times she stopped breathing her heartrate stayed the same so its not true apnea like we all thought) I talked to the respiratory therapist Chris and he explained that the reflux might be getting worse that when she starsts to spit up it hurts so bad acid wise that she stops breathing for a bit, sometimes worse than others. It all makes sense, but for my sanity we have the monitor for another month!!!!

Other than she's growing like a weed weighing in at 9lbs on Tuesday, I am getting more testy to everyone about holding her because I go back to work on the 17th!... :-(

We got some professional pictures done...of Kara...we went there with no intentions of getting her pictures done, but because the boys weren't very cooperative along with my glare of my glasses, kara was the star that day! Check out the pics!

love to all

xxoo

I LOVE MY LIFE

Life has changed in so many ways. I find myself viewing things differently than I did before Kara was here. For one, I never...NEVER take things for granted anymore (thanks Kristi for opening my eyes to that on your blog). It's almost just too hard to imagine how I view things in a different kind of way. My main focus now is my child...it's so weird to say that...my child...my daughter.

Speaking of MY DAUGHTER (well Tim had some to do in her) she is growing like a weed. Technically she will be 1 month old on the 28th, but yesterday I gave birth 4 weeks ago, so when people ask how old she is I just say 4 weeks. I haven't posted in a week...ok 8 days, so I thought I would quickly update, before getting back to my cleaning...yes...cleaning...I've gotten motivation and energy back to go crazy in my house...it just feels so cluttery in here with all her stuff! ANYWAY....our WIC appointment was last week and my little Tubby Tubby weights 8lbs 9oz already, we have outgrown our Newborn clothing and are well on our way to 0-3month clothing. Although depending on the brand she does fit into some 3-6month clothing already. I could really go on and on and on on how much I love being a mother, everyday is a new day and new first. I find myself taking pictures everyday. My parents are in Florida for the week and they get 3-4 text message pictures a day (which I don't think my mother realizes that they cost money yet...sorry mom...it's for Kara though). She grows everyday and makes me smile all day long.

She has been getting alot better...along with me...She still gags ALOT, but I have myself believing its because that's all I do...I gag at the littliest things. I don't panic anymore when she starts gagging, I usually just let her do her thing and come out of it. If it's a really hard gag, I may pick her up and pat her on the back, but I usually just glance at her. YEAH for me!!! We monitor her just at night and she is now in her own bedroom at night sleeping, I just don't think she liked her bassenette very much, she never slept. I think it's because of Daddy's snoring, but we will never know! We have started...yes...started (4 weeks later) trying to get into a routine...pattern...etc. We have our nighttime routine almost down...2oz at 730-800 then bathtime, rubby rubby time, try to keep her awake for about 30-45 minutes then 3-4 more oz and she's out around 10ish and sleeps until 430-500a.m. She gets a bottle then and goes back to sleep until about 9-10 when shes up for about 2 hours after her bottle. So I'm kind of liking that a little bit, although I told Tim this morning that I need to get out of the habit of putting her to bed late at night and sleeping late in the morning because it will be really hard for me when I go back to work.

We go back to court tomorrow for more crap...maybe tomorrow will be the judges ruling, but somehow I think it won't be! And then on Thursday is our 1 month check up, so if I remember and things aren't going hectic I will post more then.

P.S. If you people have time could you please pray for our "couple best friends" Joe and MaryBeth lost Joe's dad this morning of Heart Failure, he's been in the hospital for about a month, he was a great guy. He prayed for Kara when she was in the hospital with the minister that came to see him everyday. He will hold a special place in our hearts. Please remember him.

I'm so happy to be a MOMMY!!! I just had to post a couple pictures of me and my princess. My love for her grows daily!

p.s. not to brag, but I'm just so damn proud, after 3 weeks I'm in my pre-prego jeans (the button ones...no stretchy shit)...I'm so happy I'm going to keep going because in 7 short months and 2 days I'm going to be in a pretty white dress at my wedding! But I have to admit the stretchy ones were nice, it didn't take as long in the bathroom, didn't have to fiddle with the button and break a nail, which I did today!

3 Week Update!

Miss Princess Kara is 3 weeks old TODAY! I can't believe it's been 3 whole weeks. I said to my wonderful mother yesterday that I constantly re-live my water breaking experiance. It was so funny and it's something I really don't want to forget. I want to remember every waking day with Kara and especially how she came into this world.

Things are coming along great. My emotions have for the most part seized. Even though I often get teary eyed when I think about going back to work, but hopefully we have FOUND...yes FOUND a babysitter who Tim and I can trust (I trust her enough to do my hair...yes she is my hairdresser). I was asking my friend and hairdresser Kim if she knew anybody, because she knows a lot of people who babysat and that is great. She started asking me all the particulars like when and what times and how much, etc. and I kind of got the hint that she may be thinking about doing it when she was asking these questions but I didn't get my hopes up, but sure enough she said..."well, what about me, I've been looking for a day job" I lit right up and it made my day...I was so excited. I told her that I would talk it over with Tim and the price with Tim and get back to her. I'm pretty sure we are going with her but just have to finalize some budget things....you know me and my budgeting!!! She's great...no pets, non-smoker, drinker, but weekends only..hehe! She has an 8 year old thats in Brandon's class too, so that's great!

Kara, on the other hand, is WONDERFUL as well. We are still dealing with her breathing issues, but hopefully she has grown out of it and everything is fine. We switched her formula to AR (added rice) from the lipil stuff...it's all nasty to me, the names don't phase me. It seems to be helping her gagging, she's not doing it as much, but still is. Her zantac is going well, she's a trooper. I licked some off my finger last night and thought I would die...that stuff is gross! She seems to take it without it bothering her. We go back to the pediatrician on the 28th, so hopefully she won't have to re-new her perscription.

We ventured along Interstate 81 on Tuesday last week to visit the specialist in Syracuse at St. Joseph's Hospital. My opinion he's kind of arrogant, but my mom and Tim thought otherwise, so I went with the flow. I had a lump in my throat the whole time, I wanted to burst into tears pretty much the whole time he was in the room with us. He explained a lot of things (pretty much like we were stupid first-time parents, until Tim started in with his medical lingo and showed the doctor that we weren't just any joe schmo's from off the street) about what is going on and what to expect and what not to expect in newborns. Apparently this is all normal to him, but they were ordering what they call a 3 channel test. The test will be exactly the same one she is on now (the one for her breathing and heartrate) but will add another wire and measure the oxygen in her blood (pulse oximeter)....great...another test...o and it's for 48 hours...2 whole days...what about walmart? Marra's Homecare came on Friday and hooked the test up and by Friday night, I was ripping wires off left and right and was going to throw the machine out the window. Around 430 (about 9 hours into the test) we saw that her heartrate even when she slept was going into the 200's and her pulse ox would drop in the 80's, and it went on for about a half hour...so the nurotic mother I am...called the pediatrician, who told us to call our Syracuse doctor who obviously was out of the office at 430 on a Friday afternoon, so here, please press 1 for the on-call....the on-call was busy press 1 for the St. Joe's NICU Floor, "hi, I'm an RN what's going on...o...let me have you talk to the NICU Charge Nurse....o...well if she's not changing colors, I would give it until tomorrow and call your pediatrician, sounds like it's not an apnea problem. EXCUSE ME...TOMORROW...yes our pediatrician is open on Saturday's but...hello...tomorrow? Well, we delt with this all night, of course I was not in any mood Friday night, but a mood to hold her and watch her and worry. Friday night had to have been the worst night I have ever had with my daughter. Alarms going off all night, her crying, me crying, Tim crying because I'm crying and frustrated...OUT CAME THE WIRES...F$%K this. I am calling Dr. Victoria first thing this morning. Saturday morning came...ring ring to the pediatrican, let me have you talk to the nurse...hello hunny, what's going on...what's going on...well let me tell you! She says well it's definitley not normal, let me talk to the doctor and I'll call you back...3 hours later I call her back...well did you talk to him? nope, but I will....ugh....she calls me back and says I need to call Syracuse and get ahold of him...I explained how I did and what they told me and she says DO IT AGAIN....syracuse...ring ring press 1 for...press 2 to page...well we will page this time!!!!!! paged...waited...waited....waited...we called again press 1 for....press to 2 page...ONE....leave a message and someone will call you back....message left...waited....waited...waited...Dr. Victoria I'm calling you back....I finally broke down to the nurse and she cried with me...hunny it's ok....we are here for you...how bout you call Marra's and see what they think....well Marra's got a hold of Dr. Constentine in Syracuse and he said to turn the alrams off! WHAT THE HELL...just turn the alarms off? Ok...whatever...so they pay some nice gentleman $20/hour to come to my house for 2 minutes to use my screwdriver and turn the alarm off on the monitor...OK PEOPLE I'M GIVING YOU ONE LAST CHANCE. We hook her up at bedtime and we drift off to sleep...5 minutes later...BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP.....I looked at Tim and shook my head...yeah...no one turned nothing off! Daddy got pissed this time and yanked wires out and said enough is enough.

Needless to say the Respiatory Therapist we have been dealing with since the hospital came out today to pick up the monitor and heard the whole weekend story and said he really didn't blame us for what we did, but we should know that Dr. Constentine is not one of their favorite people and he will be mad at what we did. I looked at Chris the nice man and said...well hunny, if he takes it out on you, you be sure to give him my number, here's my cell number and here's Tim's pager also...tell him to call, I will be HAPPY to talk to him. Chris, also has a baby he's 4 mos old who is dealing with this too, he said he found a doctor in Rochester he likes. He was going to go back and download the chip from the monitor and call us if it shows anything...it's been almost 2 hours so hopefully no news is good news.

I'm a little out of order on my events, but you people get the issue.

Well, my spoiled rotten princess is fussing because he is having a little floor time and mommy isn't holding her, so I guess it's time to wrap up and smooch my baby girl.

xxoo to all

p.s. her fussy-ness couldn't be from spending the night with mommy and daddy at Grammie's and being kissed and snuggled and held by Grammie and Grampie the whole time we were there?! could it?