Cherish Life

Todays blog is a sad blog. I am sitting here tonight in total disbelief that the loss of a child has really hit home. Today while my day was winding down I decided with 10 minutes left of work that I would check newzjunky (a popular NNY website) where I always scroll down to the obits and see if I know anyone. Well to my absolute shock was a "Joseph M. Shinnick Jr." my first thought was oh my gosh, Kristi's boyfriend died...did he commit suicide, what happened", to open the obit and see that it was her 2 month old baby, named after daddy. I can't even describe to you the pain you feel, it hits you, right in the stomach, my heart literally ached...as I sit all alone in my office starring...just starring.

Well let me tell you about this "friend" Kristi...as I think I may have blogged about it while I was prego...Kristi was the best friend from Croghan who got upset because I named by baby Kara, her first born that was a premie and died shortly after birth. We were not friends at that time but she still didn't think it was right.

So now I sit, with tomorrow being the calling hour and funeral if I should go. I told my boss what was going on and he has no problem with me rearranging my schedule to go, but I really don't know what to do. She is the type of person who would literally for lack of better words tell me to "get the F%*K out" and truthfully I'm afraid I will drive to Lowville and thats what will happen. I'm really just lost for words and I am really just lost...I have nothing else to say...any suggestions?

I picked up Kara from daycare and I just held her...for an hour I never put her down...ok an hour and a half...I kissed her I bet 100 times and prayed with her. Everynight we say a prayer and she did look at me like it was bedtime, but I sat, cried, and prayed that I have a beautiful baby girl that I have always wanted...