So, I had one of those dreams last night...you know the one where you see your baby and she's perfect! Only my baby came out with a diaper rash and weighed 7lbs and was 3 months early...go figure. So ever since I've got up this morning that is all I've thought about. It's scary in a way because in my dream she was 3 months early, but she was also 7lbs, but I know for a fact she isn't 7 pounds.
I just have alot going through my head. My hormones are really getting the best of me...I still hate everybody and everything in my path way and really don't have a reason. Yesterday...a long story...was my last shift at Guilfoyle...was out on Fort Drum for 12 Hours and was sicker than a dog, and they couldn't find anyone to replace me...to make a long story short, I was glad I wasn't in labor because I'm sure I would have delivered in the middle of nowhere. I have my second interview this morning at Northern Federal Credit Union...my fingers have been crossed since last week. I really want this position badly and am hoping for the best.
This morning of all mornings has started out like SHIT (lack for better words...sorry). Tim left to go be the great white hunter with his brother Fat Albert at the ass crack of dawn...woke me up...didn't go back to sleep...fell back asleep around 7...alarm went off at 725...got Brandon up, got breakfast, headed out the door to a flat tire on my Jeep. Tim's truck is sitting in the driveway also, but Tim felt the need to take his keys with him, so I had no freakin way to take Brandon to school...oh did I mention its POURING OUTSIDE...who hunts when its raining...stupid men. (can you tell that I'm frustrated writing this...I just caught myself pounding on the keys). So apparently our neighbors have had the same morning because school starts in 10 minutes and Brandon is still sitting on the couch waiting for his ride. I would walk but I have no time. My interview is at 10 and I have to get ready. Tim got maybe 1...ok 2 threatening voicemails this morning and Fat Albert got 1...I got to talk to Doug...and I told him he is to have Tim on my back poarch no later than 9...that way they will be here at 930...again I say...stupid men...
Alright, my hormones have already got the best of me this morning...I am kicking the kid to school and taking a shower and spending an hour straightening this mop on my head....I NEED A HAIR CUT BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hormones again...sorry
love to all
xxoo
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
...and she's already a brat...
Well, we have in my stomach a little mini-version of me. I think because I've been such, lack of better words BITCH lately, my little girl has taken on the same attitude.
We had yet another ultrasound today, a normal one. I wasn't able to get a 3D one because they say I'm not far enough along, so I was bummed a little bit. But, Miss Kara didn't want to cooperate today either so yupper...we're going back again. She saw the chambers and the blood moving, but she doesn't think that it was visable enough for the doctor is see it, she said the doctor will say try again. She was just not in the right position and she kept moving and moving and hiding and wouldn't sit still. Miss Kara even got sooo upset she flipped us and the ultrasound tech off, we got the picture to prove it. We were getting a good look at her profile and Tim's says "her hands are in her mouth ooo and her feet too" and then all of a sudden she waved and her middle finger came up. We all laughed and the tech says "well little girl what did I do to you?" I laughed and then cried and cried again. It's just so amazing to see her inside of you and actually see what is moving around and making you laugh with her movements. On the other hand I can't believe she will be here is a short 3 months.
Soooo, lets talk about these moods...I never in a million years thought that I would be this MISERABLE. I am going through a slump where I hate everything and everyone that comes into my path. Poor Tim, he can't seem to get on my goodside and just when I think it's everyone elses fault that I'm in such a bad mood, I really sit and think that I know it's me. I've tried everything to make it up to him, but nothing seems to be working. He asked me today on the way taking Brandon to school if I hated him and didn't want to be with him? I cried and said I really don't know what is wrong but I do know for sure that I want to be with him and I can't live without him. So, I think his only way to not get me to bite his head off when he says something is not talk to me at all, or talk in short but to the point sentances. I have a lot of stress going on in my life, and I know it doesn't help. I just need to find a way to get out of it. I'm getting short with the kids and everything, it's not their fault...but i'm thinking it's their sister's fault. I know in the end it will all be worth it, but I am going crazy. Any suggestions?
We had yet another ultrasound today, a normal one. I wasn't able to get a 3D one because they say I'm not far enough along, so I was bummed a little bit. But, Miss Kara didn't want to cooperate today either so yupper...we're going back again. She saw the chambers and the blood moving, but she doesn't think that it was visable enough for the doctor is see it, she said the doctor will say try again. She was just not in the right position and she kept moving and moving and hiding and wouldn't sit still. Miss Kara even got sooo upset she flipped us and the ultrasound tech off, we got the picture to prove it. We were getting a good look at her profile and Tim's says "her hands are in her mouth ooo and her feet too" and then all of a sudden she waved and her middle finger came up. We all laughed and the tech says "well little girl what did I do to you?" I laughed and then cried and cried again. It's just so amazing to see her inside of you and actually see what is moving around and making you laugh with her movements. On the other hand I can't believe she will be here is a short 3 months.
Soooo, lets talk about these moods...I never in a million years thought that I would be this MISERABLE. I am going through a slump where I hate everything and everyone that comes into my path. Poor Tim, he can't seem to get on my goodside and just when I think it's everyone elses fault that I'm in such a bad mood, I really sit and think that I know it's me. I've tried everything to make it up to him, but nothing seems to be working. He asked me today on the way taking Brandon to school if I hated him and didn't want to be with him? I cried and said I really don't know what is wrong but I do know for sure that I want to be with him and I can't live without him. So, I think his only way to not get me to bite his head off when he says something is not talk to me at all, or talk in short but to the point sentances. I have a lot of stress going on in my life, and I know it doesn't help. I just need to find a way to get out of it. I'm getting short with the kids and everything, it's not their fault...but i'm thinking it's their sister's fault. I know in the end it will all be worth it, but I am going crazy. Any suggestions?
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Busy Busy Lives
Life has taken on a crazy busy schedule. No more sleeping in! We set the alarm everynight and get up every morning to the sound of Mr. Froggy on the radio, to walk across the hallway upstairs to get up an eager 8 year old for school. We drag around the house and then walk 5 blocks to school...it's fun, he's doing great and we absolutely love him here. Our work schedules have changed but we work at the greatest place which is very accomodating.
Brandon's first week living here is almost through, and we have had no problems so far, one minor but nothing major. He went to visit him mother on Tuesday night beofre he started school on Wednesday, and he was there all for about an hour. She called Tim and said she couldn't handle him he was fighting with his sister and she wasn't dealing with it to come get him. Her newest bright idea is to split them up for a month. Have Makayla and Tyler come here and send Brandon to his mothers. But that way they will never see each other. Even though Makayla and him argue, they still need to see each other. I leave Tim in charge of that BS, but am always around to give my 2 cents when needed. I believe it's only a matter of time before we have Tyler as well.
Little Miss Kara is already the apple of my eye. She never seizes to amaze me. If I'm having a "rough" day or just find myself thinking too much, her body starts to move around and it's like she is telling me to stop worry so much about stuff that will work itself out, worry about her and how she needs to be healthy. Monday we had a WIC appt and never in my life NEVER have I ever been told to gain weight, but I was told it that day...I literally cried. I got home and called my mom and cried. I told her that I was not NOT trying to gain weight. The WIC Nurse told me that I have only gained 2lbs according to their scales and their charts and its really not good enough. So I was handed the damn food pyramid that I have seen 12 million times and for the 12 millionth time it went in the garbage along with my frantic cleaning of the desk...oops. I know the food pyramid, I've known it since 7th grade health class for crying out loud. So I have just been trying to eat 5-6 small meals a day.
My search for a full-time job has hopefully come to an end. I had a phone interview today with a bank that is a mile and a half down the street. I think I nailed the interview so hopefully by next week I will hear more about that, keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. I know its not exactly what I went to school for, but it has always interested me. Of course my 2 lovely cousins also work at banks so why not join the crowd right? (love you auntie jaime).
Well I would love to blog more but A. I don't want to bore you with mindless blabbing on and B. I just looked at my clock and I have to be to work in less than 45 minutes for an overnight shift on Fort Drum (I have been luckly enough to sly my way out of them through more of my pregnancy, they caught on!) so off to work I go but not before doing some running around the house because Daddy is in charge tonight and tomorrow for school duty (I have to literally leave notes around the house!!!, gotta love them)
xxoo to everyone
Brandon's first week living here is almost through, and we have had no problems so far, one minor but nothing major. He went to visit him mother on Tuesday night beofre he started school on Wednesday, and he was there all for about an hour. She called Tim and said she couldn't handle him he was fighting with his sister and she wasn't dealing with it to come get him. Her newest bright idea is to split them up for a month. Have Makayla and Tyler come here and send Brandon to his mothers. But that way they will never see each other. Even though Makayla and him argue, they still need to see each other. I leave Tim in charge of that BS, but am always around to give my 2 cents when needed. I believe it's only a matter of time before we have Tyler as well.
Little Miss Kara is already the apple of my eye. She never seizes to amaze me. If I'm having a "rough" day or just find myself thinking too much, her body starts to move around and it's like she is telling me to stop worry so much about stuff that will work itself out, worry about her and how she needs to be healthy. Monday we had a WIC appt and never in my life NEVER have I ever been told to gain weight, but I was told it that day...I literally cried. I got home and called my mom and cried. I told her that I was not NOT trying to gain weight. The WIC Nurse told me that I have only gained 2lbs according to their scales and their charts and its really not good enough. So I was handed the damn food pyramid that I have seen 12 million times and for the 12 millionth time it went in the garbage along with my frantic cleaning of the desk...oops. I know the food pyramid, I've known it since 7th grade health class for crying out loud. So I have just been trying to eat 5-6 small meals a day.
My search for a full-time job has hopefully come to an end. I had a phone interview today with a bank that is a mile and a half down the street. I think I nailed the interview so hopefully by next week I will hear more about that, keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. I know its not exactly what I went to school for, but it has always interested me. Of course my 2 lovely cousins also work at banks so why not join the crowd right? (love you auntie jaime).
Well I would love to blog more but A. I don't want to bore you with mindless blabbing on and B. I just looked at my clock and I have to be to work in less than 45 minutes for an overnight shift on Fort Drum (I have been luckly enough to sly my way out of them through more of my pregnancy, they caught on!) so off to work I go but not before doing some running around the house because Daddy is in charge tonight and tomorrow for school duty (I have to literally leave notes around the house!!!, gotta love them)
xxoo to everyone
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Yup...I'm one of those
Well, paranoia got the best of me last night. The nazi cleaning lady days are over for at least the weekend. We were sitting eating dinner last night and I got this god awful pain down below that would come and go...the kind of pain where you would just saw "ouch" out loud, well that was me. The pain got so intense that I didnt' know what to do. Tim called the answering service and was told that my doctor would call me back...we waiting a very long 25 minutes and called the maternity ward at Samaritan, she told me to come in right away and see the docotor on call. So up we headed. Tim was working so thankfully all the great people we work with, pooled together and covered for Tim the rest of the night.
It hurt to even walk...it seemed like it took forever to walk upstairs to Labor and Delivery, of course my emotions didn't help at all. I wasn't as nervous until Tim started to cry when he got off the phone with the nurse then I lost it big time. There is just something about watching a man cry...especially mine, when he is more medically trained than I am and I figured he knew what was going on. The nurses were very nice, they got me in my room, had me pee in the cup, and got me in bed...wired me up for sound and asked 401 questions. The nurse that took care of me tried her hardest for like 10 minutes to get little Kara's heartbeat and everytime she would find it, she would go to strap the strap down and she would kick and move. So we know she is a stubborn little girl. She was moving soo much that nurses would peek their head in a laugh because they heard the machine in the hallway.
The midwife came in and from that point on this wonderful lady reassured me that everything was alright, I just have to stop doing so much for right now. I pulled a bunch of ligaments in my stomach and they need a couple days to heal. She put me on semi-bedrest for the weekend with the understanding that if I have any more pain like that to come back in. There was no bleeding or discharge (I know gross) but if there was to come back up immediately. She checked me and said that everything is closed and "feels" great so I have nothing to worry about. Her exact words were "that stubborn little princesss isn't coming out until she's ready which hopefully isn't for at least 16 more weeks"
I apoligized so many times for being one of those paranoid mothers who comes in for every ass ache, but I told them that if I didn't come in and something would have happened I would have never forgiven myself, they were fine and we were out of there by 9...so needless to say here I sit on a Saturday with soo many things I want to do going through my head, I wanted to make a good dinner, I wanted to run a bunch of errands, I wanted to do another load of laundry, but Tim made me promise that I wouldn't do a damn thing all day, he said if he catches me doing anything...he's calling my mother.
It hurt to even walk...it seemed like it took forever to walk upstairs to Labor and Delivery, of course my emotions didn't help at all. I wasn't as nervous until Tim started to cry when he got off the phone with the nurse then I lost it big time. There is just something about watching a man cry...especially mine, when he is more medically trained than I am and I figured he knew what was going on. The nurses were very nice, they got me in my room, had me pee in the cup, and got me in bed...wired me up for sound and asked 401 questions. The nurse that took care of me tried her hardest for like 10 minutes to get little Kara's heartbeat and everytime she would find it, she would go to strap the strap down and she would kick and move. So we know she is a stubborn little girl. She was moving soo much that nurses would peek their head in a laugh because they heard the machine in the hallway.
The midwife came in and from that point on this wonderful lady reassured me that everything was alright, I just have to stop doing so much for right now. I pulled a bunch of ligaments in my stomach and they need a couple days to heal. She put me on semi-bedrest for the weekend with the understanding that if I have any more pain like that to come back in. There was no bleeding or discharge (I know gross) but if there was to come back up immediately. She checked me and said that everything is closed and "feels" great so I have nothing to worry about. Her exact words were "that stubborn little princesss isn't coming out until she's ready which hopefully isn't for at least 16 more weeks"
I apoligized so many times for being one of those paranoid mothers who comes in for every ass ache, but I told them that if I didn't come in and something would have happened I would have never forgiven myself, they were fine and we were out of there by 9...so needless to say here I sit on a Saturday with soo many things I want to do going through my head, I wanted to make a good dinner, I wanted to run a bunch of errands, I wanted to do another load of laundry, but Tim made me promise that I wouldn't do a damn thing all day, he said if he catches me doing anything...he's calling my mother.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Clean...Clean...Clean...Sick...Sick...Sick
Good Morning...
I am waiting for my washer to shut off so I can put another load of laundry in to wash. Tim keeps telling me that I don't have to do laundry everyday, but I do anyway! I know it's only going to get worse when little Kara-boo gets here.
Well, I have managed to get myself sick. I hate being lazy, but lately that's all Tim has been telling me to do. It's been a busy first week of October and not to mention unpredictable. Monday was a busy day, it's pay day for us, so the normal running around doing errands and paying bills, Tim worked all day. Tuesday, more running around, Tim's oldest son Brandon (he's 8) is coming to live with us and starting in a different school next week, so we had to go fill out a bunch of papers at his new school and all that jazz, a little unexpected but a good idea on his mothers part in the long run. I made a deal with Tim on mowing the lawn and doing stuff outdoors so on and so forth, after he mowed the lawn and refused to let me at least weed-wack, by telling me to go sit down and relax, he came inside to find me on the couch sleeping. He woke me up and I should tell you I don't think he should have, I felt like total crap. I was all stuffed up and could barely talk. Dizzy wasn't even the word for it, I felt like I had been drinking for hours and just felt loopy! I forced myself to make dinner which I had maybe a bite out of and Tim was off to school...again here I sit. I picked up the house and sat around. It got to be about 9 and Tim was to get out of class and go right to work for 12 hours, so I decided that I was really dizzy and not feeling well so I jumped in my car and drove to JCC to meet Tim. I figured that if I was going to pass out, I didn't want to be alone here I would rather be out where someone could at least see me and help me, of course giving my fellow co-workers a chance to get some business.
I hate when Tim works overnight, but the money's great so I can't complain. I sleep on the couch downstairs when he isn't home with every light on along with our alarm system, but I didn't sleep Tuesday night...I was up puking from my toes and coughing all night long. I showed up the next morning at Guilfoyle to pick Tim up for my 8:30 doctors appt and he (looking the same as me, no sleep and just lethargic) said you really don't look so good! I of course started to cry and told him that I don't feel good and at least I showered...even though I was in my sweatpants and a sweatshirt for my docotor's appt. He reassured me and told me that today was the day that we go home, and go to bed all day. So we did until about 2p.m. when the phones were ringing and the dogs were barking. Only to get a phone call from work at 2:30 that I had to go to Rochester on a transport. I think I started to cry and my exact words to my dispatcher were "too bad to put on here" he laughed and told me that I am allowed to turn it down, so I did...and I didn't have to go! The kids were here for dinner on Wednesday and I cooked an amazing gormet meal of "Little Ceaser's $5 drive-thru pizzas" they didn't care. But in all, I wanted something sweet after dinner, I was craving chocolate chip cookies, but had no chocolate chips..settled for Oatmeal Butterscotch. Tim helped Makayla with her homework as I chased naughty little "Tyler NO" around the house. Poor kid is into everything and thinks his name is Tyler No. We say Tyler and he says NO.
Wednesday night was a rough night of coughing and tossing and turning with no sleep. Only to get up at 6 for my 12 hour Fort Drum shift on Thursday. I woke up and cried that I didn't want to go...Tim told me to call in but I can do the same thing in an Ambulance for 12 hours that I can do here but only out there I get paid awesome money...at home I get squat. So off to work I went moaning and coughing and just feeling like blah all day. Not to mention by the time Tim and I saw each other last night about 930 I had no voice.
So here we are...Friday already and I'm home alone doing laundry. Tim is taking a dispatching class all weekend...yup...friday, saturday and sunday from 8a-5p, so he is gone all day, and plus working 5p-8a tonight. Lovely life...I know! So this weekend is filled with cleaning the house and hopefully getting some of the nursery cleaned out so we can start on that sooner or later. I just want to get soo many things done around the house, but there never seems to be enough hours in a day or days in a week to get things done!
We have to have another ultrasound on the 16th. I requested this one be 3D so we can actually see what she looks like. Right now, all I'm worried about is that the blood is flowing good through the heart chambers. Hopefully I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she can sit still long enough so they can see it.
Brandon moves in for good on Monday, so we will post more then...I never dreamed that my life would be like this, but for some reason, I wouldn't change it for the world.
xxoo
I am waiting for my washer to shut off so I can put another load of laundry in to wash. Tim keeps telling me that I don't have to do laundry everyday, but I do anyway! I know it's only going to get worse when little Kara-boo gets here.
Well, I have managed to get myself sick. I hate being lazy, but lately that's all Tim has been telling me to do. It's been a busy first week of October and not to mention unpredictable. Monday was a busy day, it's pay day for us, so the normal running around doing errands and paying bills, Tim worked all day. Tuesday, more running around, Tim's oldest son Brandon (he's 8) is coming to live with us and starting in a different school next week, so we had to go fill out a bunch of papers at his new school and all that jazz, a little unexpected but a good idea on his mothers part in the long run. I made a deal with Tim on mowing the lawn and doing stuff outdoors so on and so forth, after he mowed the lawn and refused to let me at least weed-wack, by telling me to go sit down and relax, he came inside to find me on the couch sleeping. He woke me up and I should tell you I don't think he should have, I felt like total crap. I was all stuffed up and could barely talk. Dizzy wasn't even the word for it, I felt like I had been drinking for hours and just felt loopy! I forced myself to make dinner which I had maybe a bite out of and Tim was off to school...again here I sit. I picked up the house and sat around. It got to be about 9 and Tim was to get out of class and go right to work for 12 hours, so I decided that I was really dizzy and not feeling well so I jumped in my car and drove to JCC to meet Tim. I figured that if I was going to pass out, I didn't want to be alone here I would rather be out where someone could at least see me and help me, of course giving my fellow co-workers a chance to get some business.
I hate when Tim works overnight, but the money's great so I can't complain. I sleep on the couch downstairs when he isn't home with every light on along with our alarm system, but I didn't sleep Tuesday night...I was up puking from my toes and coughing all night long. I showed up the next morning at Guilfoyle to pick Tim up for my 8:30 doctors appt and he (looking the same as me, no sleep and just lethargic) said you really don't look so good! I of course started to cry and told him that I don't feel good and at least I showered...even though I was in my sweatpants and a sweatshirt for my docotor's appt. He reassured me and told me that today was the day that we go home, and go to bed all day. So we did until about 2p.m. when the phones were ringing and the dogs were barking. Only to get a phone call from work at 2:30 that I had to go to Rochester on a transport. I think I started to cry and my exact words to my dispatcher were "too bad to put on here" he laughed and told me that I am allowed to turn it down, so I did...and I didn't have to go! The kids were here for dinner on Wednesday and I cooked an amazing gormet meal of "Little Ceaser's $5 drive-thru pizzas" they didn't care. But in all, I wanted something sweet after dinner, I was craving chocolate chip cookies, but had no chocolate chips..settled for Oatmeal Butterscotch. Tim helped Makayla with her homework as I chased naughty little "Tyler NO" around the house. Poor kid is into everything and thinks his name is Tyler No. We say Tyler and he says NO.
Wednesday night was a rough night of coughing and tossing and turning with no sleep. Only to get up at 6 for my 12 hour Fort Drum shift on Thursday. I woke up and cried that I didn't want to go...Tim told me to call in but I can do the same thing in an Ambulance for 12 hours that I can do here but only out there I get paid awesome money...at home I get squat. So off to work I went moaning and coughing and just feeling like blah all day. Not to mention by the time Tim and I saw each other last night about 930 I had no voice.
So here we are...Friday already and I'm home alone doing laundry. Tim is taking a dispatching class all weekend...yup...friday, saturday and sunday from 8a-5p, so he is gone all day, and plus working 5p-8a tonight. Lovely life...I know! So this weekend is filled with cleaning the house and hopefully getting some of the nursery cleaned out so we can start on that sooner or later. I just want to get soo many things done around the house, but there never seems to be enough hours in a day or days in a week to get things done!
We have to have another ultrasound on the 16th. I requested this one be 3D so we can actually see what she looks like. Right now, all I'm worried about is that the blood is flowing good through the heart chambers. Hopefully I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she can sit still long enough so they can see it.
Brandon moves in for good on Monday, so we will post more then...I never dreamed that my life would be like this, but for some reason, I wouldn't change it for the world.
xxoo
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