God won't give you more...(A LONG ONE)

...than you can handle...right? I'm sure that's the saying and honestly I truly believe that it is true, but I have to say right now I feel so defeated by God, and just everyone. (No offense to anyone, but I am having a horrible November.)

Because I feel so much like a single mother and have no one, it seems I vent to this blog, trying to get more active, I think for a type of therapy, I need it. Thanks to my mother, who honestly, (i just noticed that I am using this word alot) knows me better than I know myself, always knows when somethings up! I get a card from her today and it just for once today, made me smile.

I often joke about being a single mother, but as I look around this house...yup...I'm single. As much as I can go on and on about the Army, I have to say that I know what they go through, in a way. Tim has started doing his clinicals for school, his last year, and with his work schedule and my schedule, I sat down before I started typing and I saw my husband 6.75 hours all week as of 7p.m. tonight...really...thats bad. I laugh about our schedule, and think it's crazy, so I want to share this past week with you:

• Monday (Heidi didn't take Tyler SURPRISE!!)--Kids to sitter, Tim to clinicals 7-4, Gabe to work 7:30-4, get kids at sitter, home at 4:20 and make dinner (I have 40 mins to prepare, set and eat), Tim goes to school at 5...pick up from dinner, dishes, pack Tim's lunch, help Brandon with homework, 2 younger kids bathed, jammies, relax time before bed (Dora or Diego) and kara bottle, BED...Tim comes home at 9:30 to find me sleeping on the couch, he wakes me and we go to bed, maybe minimal chit chat (see post below for what happened Monday)
• Tuesday--All kids to sitter with play clothes in hand, NO SCHOOL (extra pay for sitter for extra kid) Tim work 24 hours, Gabe work 7:30-4, get kids from sitter, actually made meatloaf for dinner for the kids and I, made soup for Wednesday dinner, cleaned up kitchen, helped B with homework, down time, talk to Daddy, bed for kids, laundry for me, and bed at 10:30-11:00, not before calling the cops on the neighbors dog who has been barking since 4:17.
• Wednesday--All kids up and out the door by 6:45 to sitter, work from 7:30-4, Tim gets out of work at 9, ran errands for me, never stopped to see me :-( clinicals from 9ish to 4, get kids, Tim heats up soup, eats soup, Tim leaves for school at 5, clean up kitchen, do dishes, grocery night (I'll have you know, I will be changing grocery night until Thursday)homework with Brandon, baths, relax time, Daddy actually comes home at 8:00, kids are in bed, kara is asleep on my chest, I'm dozing on couch, we go to bed.
• Thursday--Tim gets to sleep in! I get up and look out the window to find light on across the road at abandoned house, I freak out, Tim's awake, calls the cops, meanwhile Kara wakes up and is up for good, out of the house to get bloodwork done by 6a.m. Bloodwork done and in work by 6:30, meeting at 8, meeting at 9:30, deadlines to meet. Doctors appt at 3:15, Kids went to Heidi's Tim and Kara met me at doctors, there until 5p.m was going to have dinner with my husband when he decided he better get to Guilfoyle and be a student! I came home for an hour and then went to get the boys, back here regroup from their mothers, jammies and bed, Kara to bed, pack Tim's lunch, Brandon's lunch, get stuff around for Friday morning, Tim home at 11p.m to find me asleep in bed, wakes me up to kiss me, back to sleep I go.
• Friday--all kids to sitter, Tim to work 24, Gabe to work 7:30 to 4, drop kids of to Fiona's to find Kara's paci no where, told her she should be ok, but if she needed it call me and I would run home, called Tim to tell him and to see if maybe he could stop to get it on his way to Drum, gave me a run around, I ended up turning around and drive back to get it, run upstairs find it on our bed took it back to sitters, back on the road, meet Tim on road, flip Tim off and travel to work, hit every red light, get to Dunkin Donuts, decide that I'm already exhausted better go for the Latte with a double shot!!! get to work, deadlines deadlines deadlines...sick...sick...sick...cough...cough...cough...pee pee pee....called the doctor and the doctor said...you may have pneumonia, we will call you in an antibiotic call us if you aren't better by Monday. To Kinney's to get drugs, back to Fiona's to get kids, we are all home, oh yeah...dinner...scrambled eggs it is, Tyler wants cereal...4 bowls of cereal, hes a growing boy!!! After dinner, dishes, baths...here comes the best part, because I'm sure I've bored you...Everything is going hunky dory in the tubby, kids are playing, kara is out and dressed and it is just too quiet...Brandon comes to empty garbages and says TYLER (about the same TYLER as I heard Monday night) I asked what he did and he said, I see a little turd on the bottom, I freak out...yell at him only to find him to stand up and there is a MOUND of it on the bottom of the tub...I lost it...no lost it...2 times in one week...I lost it...so here I am, Kara's screaming in her crib being contained I'm screaming at Tyler while I scrub the toilet with bleach and water...coughing and screaming...get Tyler dressed, put him in the corner until he can say sorry, clean downstairs, Kara laundry night, and here I am...typing, as the kids are "relaxing"

Tonight is usually the night I go hang out with my best friend and the kids play, but she is so busy she doesn't have time either, and I really, until tonight didn't realize how much I enjoy that, yes, it's chaotic, but it really gives me time to just get out and watch the kids play with other kids and for once they aren't asking me for everything.

I've realized this past week that our family (Me and the kids) need something that every week we can look forward too. So after much research and determination I have decided to join the YMCA, it is really cheap when I go through work we get a 20% discount and they take it right out of my paycheck every bi-week, so it's not another bill I have to worry about paying. I'm so excited, there is no excuse anymore to work on ME. They have daycare there, they have activities for Brandon and he can start getting involved in sports and all that jazz. They have a pool where the kids can swim year round, I'm excited, I just have to wait till I can go (without kids) and sign up. Hopefully I can sneak away tomorrow to do all the paperwork.

Well my laundry just finished and even though it's Friday and only 7:30, it's relax time and I'm ready for relax time as well, but not as excited as I am for bed time! Thanks for listening and sorry to bore you with my problems!