Let the Hormones Flow

There really is no other way to put this other than, "this fetus is kicking my ass" I have looked so forward to this point, to start, NOT feeling crappy but I just do. I am not happy with myself in so many ways. I want so badly to remember this pregnancy as my last in so many ways, but our lives are just so hectic and I don't think that it's fair to Kara or the boys for that matter to have our lives be just about this baby and not them. I am upset with myself that I'm starting my 2nd trimester at the weight (heavier) than I was the night I went into labor with Kara. I remember that number so vividly and I never wanted to see that number again, but I hit it Jan. 28th, 2008. I am not there and a tad more today. I know it's only going to get worse and I hate the fact that it is. I know that I will remember the good parts but it just bothers me.

With Brandon in Pee Wee Wrestling now, it's hard for me to find time to go to the gym. I used to swim 3 times a week, but I find myself going less and less and I hate that too, but on the other hand am excited that Brandon found something he liked to do. I think after tonights practice the little kids and I are going to start walking for the hour that Brandon is at practice outside. It was so nice out tonight that I just hate sitting in that basement smelling sweaty boys and girls. Hopefully I can keep to that promise and start doing that. Then I come home and it's so overwhelming. I feel with working full-time, coming home, making dinner, going to either swim or something for the kids and coming home and ready to crash I get nothing accomplished at all during the week. I have almost accepted that fact, but it still puts me in a bad mood to see a "messy" house. I feel like since this new carpet has gone in I have done nothing but vacuum it. It is darker than the last but catches everything. But it's Monday, no doubt I will be "bitching" about it still on Friday and it will get done Saturday. I can honestly say looking into the weekend that we have nothing planned, but again, our lives changes so quickly. I would love to get outside doing "outside" work but again, things change so quickly. I was lucky enough to have cleaned well in the livingroom. The upstairs is the main focus now and I just need to make it 6 more weeks to find out the sex of this baby and the work can be done.

I've "petered" out for the night, I'm off to bed early as this morning Tyler decided that 530 was time to raise and shine. Hoping for a better Tuesday