THE EVICTION PROCESS BEGINS

Well, here we are, yup still pregnant 8 days to go before my actual due date and 2 days before he will induce me. I want to go on my own in the worst way and believe me we are trying every method possible. Although the whole myth of getting her out the way she came in...is really NOT an option as much as daddy would like it to be. I've spent most of the weekend walking and moving and trying to evict her before the pitocin starts but so far...nothing...we even had hot and spicy wings tonight...again...nothing

Other than that things are going ok. We have decided that our next step of action is court. Tim and I filed papers last Wednesday for FULL...yes full custody of Tyler and Brandon (even though Brando lives here, it's not really legal) and visitation of Makayla. We went to court on Thursday and the judge ordered us only Brandon for right now, we have to fight for Tyler. And denied visitation for Makayla. We are upset about it, but also know that it's going to be a long road and we are not going to stop fighting for our little man. We actually...Kara pending...go back on Thursday the 31st when Heidi has to come to court to and plead her case. We have to serve her (well someone not involved) with papers and we have until the 29th, which we are going to wait until then to get her the papers. We figured the less time she has to prepare the better. Tim and I are certain that all the judge is going to do on Thursday is ask both parties if they want a lawyer/public defender and with us both saying yes, he will adjurn court until both parties have met with their lawyers.

I know it seems crazy and I'm sure many of you are wondering why on earth would we start this process now in the middle of Kara coming, but those of you that know us well, know that this wasn't an easy decision for Tim to make and when he has made up his mind, I'm not stopping him I don't care if the world was ending I'm just glad he finally made his mind up.

Well thats it for now, I'm hoping the next post will be pictures of Kara, so check back

hugs and kisses for all

...and the nesting begins...

So today was a fun day! I can say that I really didn't get "pissy" at all. We even have all 3 kids and Tyler is getting his molars and is grouchy, mouthy, and talks back like his big brother now (and you really can't help but laugh) and I still wasn't too bad. Of course Brandon acting like his father (knows it all, and has to listen to EVERYTHING you say, so Tim and I know have code words....hehe) didn't really even make me pissy...I'm so proud of myself.

We got up early (thanks to Tyler) and started our day good. Ty and I took a shower while Daddy got the other kids breakfast and they got dressed and we headed out to run errands. Daddy had to get books at the bookstore for college, which starts back next week and I'm totally bummed, but...what can I do...I support my hubby in whatever he wants to do. We went to the bank, and to Target. I've had a gift card to Target since my baby shower and haven't used it. It was for $10 so I was contemplating what I wanted...I just scanned the isles to see what I thought we may need and Daddy took the kids to the toy isle!!!! I ended up getting a head support for the carseat...a double one! That was perfect! We got our batteries also there (they were having a sale), and some odds and ends. The kids spent their gift cards and got stuff...then we went to Kohl's to get Makayla some snow pants so maybe at least once this winter we can ride the snowmobile...hey...maybe if I ride it Kara will decide to come out (just kidding MOM).

The weather decided to be nasty on the way home from Kohl's. Tim had to stop at work to make copies for school and it was crappy. I was actually scared and I was riding. I think I get scared because I'm not in control, if I was in control everything would be fine!!!!!!

Anyway...to the point of my whole blog! I ended up in Kara's room, checking out everything Daddy put batteries in and I have this amazing Rocking Chair that my mother bought me and I sat in it rocking and rocking and then I opened her dresser drawers and decided that I knew where nothing was. I just put things in drawers to get it out of sight. It was somewhat organized, but not to my standards. I had stuff on hangers that didn't belong in hangers and stuff with tags and wrapping still on them...etc. So I started taking everything out of the drawers...all 7 of them and organized from size, to onsies, to sleepers, to clothes. I took down a bunch of things that were hung up (sleepers, onsies, etc) and organized them. Tim just looked at me and shook his head. Makayla ended up helping me and I just kept saying "wow" I really am going to change her clothes like 7 times a day just because I want her to wear everything once! Call me crazy, but I appreciate things people get me and I don't want to "waste" it. I'm so appreciative that people got me things and I would feel horrible if she didn't wear them. I had a bad enough time taking things back to the store that I had double or triple of! But, an hour and a half later everything has its place and I know where things are, so really she can come at any time we are ready.

Daddy is cooking dinner and it's almost ready, I better go set the table! Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

P.S. Kristi, Jorge, and baby Nora, I will be in Croghan hopefully tomorrow, weather permitting! Hope to see you then.

P.S.S. A message for everyone from big brother Tyler:

bjjjj jZ v n n df gr f n v fff 7ye3rw ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzznZN
jnm j rfwndndndnsmswj3y2uehh eo9dsuw2gew8hdsuq2h1qw8w3hdrfiodfoe43i 3udxu23bnde cxbnsnxjmsewjwejnd n

(that translates to...hurry up Kara I want you to come out! And all those zzz's are I LOVE YOU GRAMMIE SHELLY and GRAMPIE

I know I said...but....

Well, I know I promised positive blogs from here on out but I can't...not today...I just need to FREAK OUT! Went to our appointment in the office today at 1130 and just thought we were doing a vaginal exam, but no, have to be hooked up to the monitor, which is fine I guess, but nurotic me scheduled 4 appointments in the same day along with 7 different errands to run, and I was just worried about staying on my nurotic schedule!

Anyway, pee'd in the cup, like always, got on the scale, gained a pound, no big deal, now all of a sudden I have protein in my urine, ok...whatever...i'll drink more. She asked me how I was feeling and I said VERY PREGNANT, and she says, well I anticipate that at 36 weeks. I said "excuse me, I thought I was 37 weeks yesterday" "oh no, she says, we have you at 36 weeks and 3 days. So mind you, we have been debating this since the day I had my initial visit. I had my last period, if you want to call it that May 2nd, it wasn't normal and after checking into everything, I haven't had a normal period since January of last year. So whatever, I got into the recliner and handed Micki (the nurse) my birth plan that I spent like 2 hours on one day and she said, "cool, I'll give it to him" So, I'm hooked up and everything is fine. He comes in 20 minutes later and waves my birth plan in my face and was like "what's this bull?" I was actually taken back and couldn't really speak for a minute. He says "don't you know that these never work, I hope you didn't pay for this" He goes, unhook yourself and I'll meet you in the next room for your exam and we'll discuss this further. I looked at Tim and was almost in tears, and he said "relax hun, it's ok" I went in and got undressed not looking foward to the "swab" but hoped it would stimulate something...but really I just don't care anymore, she will come when she comes.

He then gets to the birth plan, and has that stupid shit-eating grin on his face and just shakes his head and says "well we do this anyway, so I don't know why you took time to write all this" I said because it is important to me. He got to epidural and pain control and said "with your history and low pain tolerance, I highly suggest you have one" I told him that I wanted initially to possibly go as long as I can to not have one, but after seeing the ultrasound and the size of her head, I think I want one when the time comes now, and he says "yeah, you better" while grinning.

I don't know, it seemed like that really ruined my day and I was upset. Not to mention that when I got to WIC I had to get weighed again and then asked when I was due and I started crying. I told him I didn't really know when I was due, it depended on who you ask and then getting weighed I weighed 10 pounds less than I did at the doctor. What gives?

Well now that it is 12 hours later and I've finally gotten a chance to finish this blog, there isn't much more to say. I'm in a little better of a mood today, but hey...we'll see what today brings, spending the day with a 2 year old could be fun and not so fun. I'm aiming for fun, but again, you never know!

As I sit here reading the last couple...ok a lot of posts, I realize all I have been do per say is bitching...and non-stop. I really want to apologize to everyone I've burdened and brought down with me the last couple of weeks. It's been really hard being home and it brings back a lot of memories when I was let go from Carthage Hospital. It's a lot of feeling not wanted, guilt, and ashamed of myself. I really just want to get back to my "normal" self, if that's ever possible. I know a baby changes everything, but I never in a million years realized it would change my hormones this bad.

My mother is a wonderful wonderful person as is my step-father. Without the 2 of them, I really don't know where I would be today! I look up to them in so many ways. I can't wait to till they can share my love they have for me with baby Kara.

Kara has not made her grand enterance into this world yet. Her big brothers are getting really excited for her (I think its because Tim keeps telling me he can't wait for me to have this baby so I'm in a better mood...the boys are realize how bitchy "mommy" is). I haven't seen Tyler since Wednesday of last week and Heidi just dropped him off, I can't believe how much this 2 year old has changed in a matter of 5 days. He talks in almost full sentences. I asked him to take his coat off when he got here and he upzipped it by himself and then got his arm stuck and looked at me and said..."mom, help me, please" Tim started laughing and then when he had to jet out the door to work, Tyler says..."later dad" it was so darn cute.

Which brings me to my next topic, as if I don't have enough going on already...I filled out papers today for Paternity for Tyler (Tim's name isn't on his birth certificate...Heidi is still technically married to Makayla's father) so we petitioned for that and I also filled out papers for Custody. I was told today by Brandon's school counselor that we NEED to get going on this, we qualify for a public defender as does everybody. Tim has been adamit to get the ball rolling because of money, well I'm not waiting any longer, I'm sick of Brandon spending the weekend there and coming home in the same clothes he went there in Friday and saying he slept in them and hasn't changed since. And Tyler on the other hand coming to us always filthy and just gross.

I think I may have calmed myself down for the time being. I'm trying to be as patient as I can without driving myself nuts. I might have accepted the fact that she will come when she's ready and most likely when I'm not thinking about it and when I least expect it. Sorry again to everyone and I promise the blogs will be positive from now on.

Love to all

The "Act of God" is being cleaned up as I type!

Nothing much to report...really...nothing...still pregnant, still huge...getting "huger"...still not sleeping...still miserable...still off work...but excited that she's almost here!!!!

Went to the doctor today...came home "pissy". I really just don't like him. I know it's my right to change at any time, but I just feel that this far into the pregnancy its stupid to change, but I have a feeling that I may have to spout out during the birth if he pisses me off. Today, he was just arrogant, and all around a pompus jackass. (Sorry for the use of words, but I'm still kind of mad) For one, he has my dates all messed up and the last visit, he said, it really doesn't matter how far along you are, she will come when she wants to! Who says that? The man never looks at me when I talk to him, and according to him, everything is normal. I had contractions (small ones) while the strip was on my belly, but he said "doesn't look like your having them, it's all in your head". I look at Tim and Tim's eyes got wide and he's like, she's feeling something that almost puts her to tears...it's like he's had them and knows what they feel like. He said that things are looking better, which I couldn't be more happy with, but of course I'm still nervous. He is done doing ultrasounds every week now, he just said to come in to see him in the office once a week now. Ok, so in the back of my mind I'm thinking "if everything is normal, why can't I go back to work until I have this baby already" I really am driving myself nuts, literally getting depressed, doing laundry everyday, Tim is busting his butt to work, and isn't sleeping either which makes us want to kill each other. I love him to death and I know without a doubt he loves me, but we are driving each other CRAZY!!!!!!!!! And on top of all of this a FREAKING tree falls in our yard and now the joys of being a homeowner...cleaning up! At least when Kara gets here and gets settled I will have someone to "play" with and talk to, because when Tim's at work I just sit like a bump on a log thinking of all the things I should be doing, but I know I will get yelled at for doing...take yesterday for example...Tim came home from working over night 12 hours, and layed on Brandon's cot on the livingroom floor (B and I had a slumber party downstairs while Tim worked) and fell asleep. I quietly got up and quietly puttered around the house, you know, dishes, laundry, etc. Well, I have been contemplating attacking the coat closet in the kitchen, because it's literally stacked high with CRAP, and I started, quietly. I got myself into more than I could freakin handle. I had stuff all over, I made 2 "quiet" trips to the attack and I wasn't done with the closet 2 minutes and he woke up because the phone rang. I didn't tell him, but he saw me carrying crap to the bottom of the stairs to be taken up and just as I expected..."what the hell are you doing?" I said..."getting stuff done" I just get a shake of the head and that continues all day. I do have to admit, I did over do it and I thought for sure I was dying in pain...a couple contractions made me sit for a while, but you know according to Dr. "Dick" I'm not having contractions! (Well, buddy, I may have not had any in your office today, but I have been having them...do YOU know what they feel like)

Anywho...I could go on for hours but I will spare you people of my nurotic bitching...next appt is Thursday, so I will update more then, or if I just have to vent more between now and then...thanks for listening people!

xxoo

According to our Insurance...Act of God

This is what we woke up to this morning...what a crazy winter!

Little Miss...More like Big Miss....

It seems these days I look foward to my doctors appointments because that is the only thing on my schedule. Let me tell you, if I didn't give birth last night, I don't know what the heck was going on with my body. I ran out of my Tylenol PM so I didn't think it was a big deal, so I went to bed without it. I woke at 1 a.m. attempting to roll over and let out a scream followed by hysterically crying. Tim sits up in bed and asked me what was going on...all I could say was hurt, hurt, hurt, and I think I muttered out crotch somewhere in there too! He helped me roll over and get calmed down, but I still hurt and I wasn't comfortable AT ALL. He helped me with my breathing and got me back to sleep. Until 230 a.m. where I awoke again to an awful contraction. I breathed through this one on my own and didn't bother waking Tim until I went to roll over again, and he wakes with me. All I could do was cry. I layed awake having 2 more contractions until 3:34 when I attempted to roll again which landed me crying and screaming again. I just kept telling Tim, I hurt, I hurt, crotch. I felt like I wanted to push and she would pop out at any minute. And another contraction...he stayed so calm, he's really just great! Me on the other hand was a total freak-a-zoid, acting totally obnoxious as I think back. 4:43 rolled around waking me with another contraction and Tim woke with me and I ended up getting it to go away by getting up on my hands and knees and moaning! I really thought with this one lasting around 1 1/2 minutes that I was going to go to the hospital. I hurt so bad! I told Tim I was going downstairs to the recliner to sleep, but couldn't muster enough strength to get out of bed, I managed finally just to pee, but cried the whole way there. Again, Tim found something to rub ("Rubbie", is a common word I say when I need him to massage something. Tim has been massaging either my hands, feet or back since we've been together. I have now become so used to it, I usually don't go to sleep unless he is rubbing something...crazy I know), until I went to sleep. I woke at 6:45 with the alarm but again couldn't manage to get up to shut it off, so Tim walked around the bed to hit snooze. I found the only way to get comfy was to stack my pillows so I was pretty much sitting up, and fell back asleep for about 20 minutes.

I got out of bed at 745 and got in the shower to get going to the hospital for our weekly admission! We went first to the lab to have blood work drawn for my thyroid and then up to Labor and Delivery. Kara didn't want to sit still when the monitor was on her, she absolutely hates having anything on my stomach. Last night I was reading in bed and she literally kicked the book out of my hands. It startled me. Anywho...got the ultrasound Super Steve the tech said she was doing great, again she attempted to kick the shit out of Steve's hand to get away from her, but he kept going. He started measuring (now mind you I'm 36 weeks today) and the head was first...her head is measuring at 37 weeks 6 days...I looked at "Super Steve" and said...wow, do you think I will say ow? He said..hunny, I'm pretty sure! Her belly is measuring at 37 weeks also...everything is great with Kara other than Steve also told us that right now she weighs 6lbs 11oz. which can go one pound either way.

So on my way back up to my room, I looked at Tim with fear in my eyes saying "holy crap Tim if she now gains a pound a week, by the 29th, she will weigh close to 10lbs." So it looks like we will be talking to the Dr on Friday when we go back for another monitoring about the size of Little Big Miss Kara.

So other than that, things are going great, my "hoo-hoo" still hurts bad, but I can deal. I just keep thinking that in 3 weeks or less I'm going to be a Mommy...it's scarry and I start to cry everytime I think about it, but there is definitely no turning back now. The lactation lady "boob lady" is coming tonight for another home visit, so I will update everyone about my "boob juice" if you care to know, later on.

xxoo

Get out of there, or I will spank your butt!

Those are the words I am finding myself saying to frequently. I have never imagined that a 2 year old would be such a pain in the butt! I hear the Mom, Mommy, Mama and if I don't answer he just gets louder and louder and usually once I say what it's either a bunch of jibberish or his favorite word "cookie" I love him to pieces and wouldn't trade him for the world, but oh my...what a little S*&T.

Well, here it is Sunday already, I'm still waddling around the house doing everything I'm not supposed to. Well not really everything, I have been going almost full speed since Thursday (which was my only day I could rest and have a quiet house). Thursday, I got a phone call and had a day which my brain will never forget...

I was still in bed when Tim left for work (7:45a.m.) but got up I think before he even got out of the driveway...hehe...stripped my bed, started laundry, ate breakfast, got on the computer, switched loads of laundry, until about 2 contractions and then decided that I better sit down! I sat down long enough to take a deep breath and then my phone rang..."Get dressed, meet me at the hospital Heidi's been in an accident with all the kids...click" I hung up the phone, looked at my phone and ran up the stairs to get dressed. Looked around my room, still trying to convey what he said, and started to get dressed. I had the "what do I do first look on my face" Mind you Thursday morning was the coldest morning we've had all winter, so...out the door I go. My vehicle didn't really want to start, but it had no choice. I left the driveway to all sorts of noises and creeks of my cold vehicle, headed to the hospital. Contraction #1 at the end of my street. Contraction #2 the square hitting every red light possible. Contraction #3, Washington Street where I decided I better call my friend MaryBeth to have her meet me at the hospital because I thought for sure I was going to have a breakdown...no answer...Contraction #4. I park in the hospital (illegally of course) and head in, I beat them to the hospital and I wait and I pace. Our friend Sherry comes down to see me and all I kept saying to Sherry was "if my kids are hurt, I will kill her" Tim's supervisor brought me Makayla and Tyler who luckily had no marks on either of them. Tyler was just glad to see his "Mommy" Makayla was upset and crying. I took it upon myself to check them in and tell the staff I wanted them seen. I had no legal right to them, but I wanted them seen. The nurses triaged them with Makayla telling the story of what happened and also spilling out that Tyler was in his seat, but not buckled. My head snapped around and I looked at that nurse and my face got immediately beat red, I could feel it. The nurse winked and let Makayla tell the story. I began to cry. When we finished we waited by the doors for Tim to bring in Heidi and her 5 month old by Ambulance. The kids (including her 5month old) and I went into a room while they took Heidi into another room. I sat with the kids for 2 hours until the doctor came in and told them they were ok. Heidi on the other hand would need further testing because come to find out SHE'S PREGNANT. Again, my face is beat red and I wanted to go down the hall and ring her F*&%ing neck. I still get upset talking about it. I took Tim back to work and brought Tyler home with me. I gave my filthy 2 year old a bath and we played. I was so thankful nothing was wrong with him.

Friday, we had our doctors appointment and Miss Kara had a little attitude of her own when she was hooked up to that monitor...she kicked and kicked and moved all over, but still managed to stay on track like a good little Mommy's girl! Doctor Dodard said everything looked great he will see me at the hospital on Tuesday for our scheduled admission and told me to rest until then...hehe...**evil laugh**. We met Grammie at McDonalds for breakfast (Mommy and Kara's 2nd breakfast) and then went to affordable furniture to pick out a rocking chair for her nursery. Home bound we were to only have Tyler here 10 minutes later, his "mother" just couldn't handle him. So we played and napped for 2 hours and I made buckeyes!!! I know a little late, but who says they are just for Christmas?

Saturday, we got "permission" by the pregnant warden to have Tyler's haircut!!! Yippee, you didnt' have to tell us twice we were out the door in seconds and out to get his mop cut!!! He did so well, sat so still, and looks soooo much better, no more curls but looks like a big boy now!

Sunday, oh yeah...that's today! Tim is working all day and I'm fighting with an 8 year old and a 2 year old, whom I'm now refering to as "asshole #2 and asshole #3" with their father coming in at a top "asshole #1" Kara needs to come out soon because their are way tooo many men in this house for me! In between yelling at Tyler, who is into everything he shouldn't be and asking for Tim's help who is in and out all day working, I'm doing laundry, I haven't showered, and I want to make fudge...we'll see what gets done.

Tuesday is our admission fetal monitoring and another ultrasound, I will post more later...until then...thanks for listening...xxoo to all! Here is a couple pics of Tyler's big boy haircut!

ok...its biophysical profile (the name of the ultrasound I'm having once a week until she gets here) hence BPP!!! My bad, had to clear that up with everyone

It's Going to be a long month

So, as you can see our trip to the hospital was rather uneventful and pretty much boring as all get out. Good news though, the baby looks great. She reacted well the first 20 minutes of being hooked up to the monitor (she usually plays with the nurses and moves as soon as they get her heartbeat on), she was moving around wonderfully, no contractions!!!! After 20 minutes of that, they immediately took us down for an ultrasound which she passed with flying colors, she actually wouldn't stop moving. Her head is still down really low on my cervix, her face is facing my butt (poor girl)...although the blood flow from the placenta to the cord is what they are worried about and is the reason why I'm having so many ultrasounds and monitoring. Last week it was dangerously low which is the reason I was admitted to the hospital and given alot of precautionary measures. This week it's on the high side, so I guess in Layman's terms they told me it means that after 36 weeks of being pregnant my placenta is "petering out" The doctor is back on my good side, he is using every precaution necessary and is guaranteeing my that this baby WILL be born in January!!!

My next course of action and why it will be a long January is that I now have to go in once a week to the hospital for the same stuff I had today, be hooked up and have what they call a BPP ultrasound (I think its Basic Pediatric Profile...my bad) and then also once a week go to his office for 20 minutes of monitoring as well.

I have seriously started resorting to praying lately. When I find myself wide awake at 2, 3, 4 in the morning I often resort to prayer! I'm scared in a way, and I find myself, for lack of better words, bitchy, I try to take a deep breath and ask the man in the sky to calm me down! So, any other extra-credit prayers would be appreciated.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE...WE WISH THE BEST TO ALL FOR 2008...GOD BLESS

Today was a wake up late, play lazy kind of day (well at mom's). We just stayed home last night and played the game "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" that Grammie and Gramps got us for Christmas. I fell asleep by 1115 and Tim woke me up at 1157 to watch the ball drop and to kiss me...he's so romantic!!! Went to mom's today for dinner and visiting and another round of Are You Smarter...

Just got home and re-grouping, I have so much to do, but I realized also that I'm not going to work tomorrow and that tomorrow is another day, and the next day and the next day!!!! I go back in the hospital tomorrow at 10 for a fetal monitoring and an ultrasound...I'll post more, when I know more.

P.S. One things for sure this year...KARA IS COMING OUT!