Merry Christmas to all

Well, so I guess holidays are much like planning a wedding, all the anticipation and spending all that money and seeing people you don't see very often comes down to one day and a day that flies by so quick.

It all started yesterday, I got up and went to work, came home starting peeling potatoes for Tim's family to come over (his brother and sis-in-law), Tim stuck the ham in the oven and I finally sat about 4 while my potatoes boiled and Tim was out snow-blowing the driveway. They came, we ate, we picked up, we went to church at 7, came home opened presents, played with presents, visited, they left, we went to bed, of course not before Santa had to come and place presents under the tree!

This morning, we actually woke the boys up...yes...only the boys...we are having a VERY difficult time with Makayla, and it seems like a never ending battle and war. We all came downstairs together about 9ish and opened presents. This year was so much more fun with Tyler he was so excited. He actually THANKED us for each little gift he got. We would hand him a present and he would say "thank you". I think his favorite present was the set of matchbox cars I got at the dollar store for $1. He did love everything though. He got his own laptop from Uncle Doug and Aunt Katrina and played with that all night. Brandon got some big gifts also, mostly stupid games (x-box and playstation) he has been playing all darn day. We played with the kids for a while, made phone calls to family and then got ready to go up my Mom and Dad's. Poor Tyler got to spend Christmas with his "so-called" mother, so he got dropped off on the way to Croghan. We got there and visited and inhaled shrimp and opened presents. My parents got Brandon a fish pole that is like a rocket launcher. You cock it like a gun and then it casts 30 feet into the water. Tim got a wonderful new fleece jacket and a beautiful lamp for our livingroom, which he hasn't stopped touching since we got home, we've already ran-sacked the other light and put it in the attic and the new one is on the table. I got many things, things from necklaces to body wash to nursing pajamas to burp cloths. Kara also got some cool clothes from Grannie and Gramps.

Grannie got to feel Miss Kara move today (who as I type is kicking the ever loving crap out of me. I told her I wasn't leaving today until she felt her move. So I pigged out on Pork tenderloin and mashed potatoes and layed down on the couch and waited...sure enough she started moving, I called mom in and she stopped. Mom would leave and Kara would start!! Finally she got a little kick, it wasn't the usual "oh my" kick, but it was a little one.

We packed the Jeep and headed home around 730, I always hate leaving and I think next year I am packing up everyone and everything and coming to stay with her next year for Christmas. This is my second year not waking up at my moms, and I have to say it's better this year than last, but I still hate leaving. Kara will be here next year, so who knows what will happen.

I was listening to a Celine Dion Christmas CD on the way home that my mother bought 2 of, not knowing and gave me one, and I got quite emotional. We got half way to Carthage and I looked over at Tim and said..."well, it's 730 and I've gotten no phone call from Dad (California) or my Aunt Collette (in Syracuse)" And I know it works both ways, but really I have sent a Christmas card to both and have gifts for my Aunt and Cousins, but really it makes me soooo sad to know that they can't even call. My father, I can really understand, but not my Aunt. I text messaged my cousin earlier and she texted back, but still no phone call!

My dad (if I can sum this up in a few words) is upset and hasn't talked to me since September because he was told he isn't the only one walking me down the isle in September at my wedding. I mean, after all these years of him not being in my life, he really thinks that I'm going to let him, and only him walk me down the isle, when my FATHER Steve has really been my father for the last 15 years of my life. Mind you my dad and I haven't really gone a year consecutively with speaking to each other. Something always comes up where we end up fighting and we just don't talk. Well it had been almost a year and he showed up from California in Watertown in August, he showed up on my back step and thought we should talk and that after he left everything would be ok...and it was...it was great...I was talking to him almost everyday and he was helping me plan the wedding and offered graciously to pay for half of it and was extremely excited about being a grandpa. Then out of the blue in a civil conversation he chose not to continue to speak to me because I chose to have Steve walk me down the isle with him. He didn't think it was right and he said, he will not be there if that is how it will be. And he doesn't know if he will ever be able to get over it and he has chosen not to speak to me. It really shouldn't bother me because it's really just another Christmas where I haven't talked to my father, but he didn't even bother sending a Christmas Card at all, nothing...I'm so upset and hurt. In the past even though we haven't talked, he still sent a card, not this year. I sent him one...does that make me the bigger person?

I guess as my weeks dwindle down and there is only 6 weeks left of me being...well....me, I am getting more emotional and as always family is important to me, and I think in a few weeks I will be going through a life-changing event and it's hard even though I have the support and a father (even though he's not my blood father) who loves me like I was his own, it's still not the same. And a part of me doesn't even want to tell him and send him pictures, but I'm sure I will because I will be proud of my daughter and no matter what or who she is, or the choices she makes, I will never turn my back on her...I will love her...respect her and always be there for her, just like my mother always has been and I know she's not going anywhere.

Alright, time for bed, I can't stop crying. Just needed to vent.