Tyler's 2nd Birthday

And I was feeling soooo good too

Saturday was as I expected. We slept in (which I don't want to get used to), Tim brought be breakfast in bed, well, while I got ready to go...and off to the hospital we went! They gave us a choice of what room because I think they knew I really didn't want to go back into the room where I was the other day (bad luck)...I got wired for sound and there I sat patiently waiting...

I get hooked up and the nurse looks at me funny, like I have 3 heads and says "hunny, do you get nervous when you come up here"? And I said...not really....apparently my heartrate was oh...130 beats per minute...I tried to calm down and relax, but it didn't seem to go below 100 the whole time I was there, just chilling out, watching TV. So, believe me I tried my hardest to get it to go down before the doctor came in, but sure enough, no luck.

Other than stubborn Miss Kara moving ALL OVER and not being able to sit still long enough to get her heart rate, the doctor said everything looks fine! Though, he still wants to see me twice a week until the end of my pregancy. The good news is, he's not letting me go past 39 weeks, which is the end of January, so Kara will be here in January sometime!!!!!!!!!, but he said whether that's in 4 weeks or 2, he's not sure, I'm measuring 37 weeks, so everything is up in the air. I asked him again, if everything looks alright, why did you take me off work and put me on "modified bedrest"...he just grins and told me that I need to calm down and relax and his exact words were "you are a high strung person, time to relax before she comes"....so....

Tuesday the 2nd I was supposed to have an appt in his office for my check-up and another NST/Fetal monitoring....but no...that's too damn easy...he wants us to come to the hospital at 10a.m. be hooked up to the monitor, and the only way that he is assured I will get an ultrasound on the 2nd is he wants to put me in the hospital and order a STAT ultrasound. Because apparently he thinks that I will not be able to get one done on the 2nd because it's right after the holiday and he wants it done that day. So God knows how long we will be in that damn hospital room again. It looks like I will be having ultrasounds once a weeks too!! Maybe one of these times I will get to have a 4D and be able to see what she looks like. I will update more after I know more...all I do know, is that I'M ALREADY EXTREMELY BORED...I want to do so much, but "daddy of the year" yells at me whenever I want to do something...he says he is only worried about me and his baby girl...sweet I know!

P.S.

P.S. Got a Christmas card from my "Dad" and Step-mother...and it reads as follows

"we were pleastly surprised to receive your wonderful card, you are in our thoughts" Dad and Jan

Just another thing to upset me, make me cry, and well...mad...

the card is in the garbage!

Can't stay on my feet!

Now that things have seemed to calm down a for a bit and it's now Friday night at 9p.m., I can tell my story!

On Dec 26th, Tim and I were walking out the door each on our way to work. He kissed me at the top step, as my Jeep was parked at the bottom of the stairs, said our goodbyes and I love yous and I started down the steps...well started down one step and fell the rest of the 4 onto a concrete landing and if I hadn't have put my hands up I would have done a face plant into the driver side door of my Jeep. It is all pretty much a blur to me right, but Tim and his sister-in-law stood in total amazement. Tim almost instantly came over to me to help me relax and try to get up, of course I'm more worried about messing up my hair and what if I needed to change quick before I go to work, I yelled at him to leave me be I can get up on my own, but when I tried to get up, the tears started flowing and I realized I was stuck and was hurting all over. Once I managed to get up and contain myself I picked up my purse and was more worried about being late to work than the pain in my ass...literally. I was soo worried about Kara also, but I also realized that my butt has got a lot of padding and she should be alright. Tim wouldn't let me leave until he made sure I was ok, but also was kind of nervous (ok...really nervous...ok...in tears) He thought we should go to the hospital to get checked out and I was more just wanting to go to work. Once I got to work, I warned to girls what had happened and they both convinced me to go get checked out, but of course it was the day after a holiday and we were busy and I wasn't going to leave them high and dry. So, at about 10a.m. as I began to walk lamer and lamer they told me to get out of there and go to the hospital. I explained I should be back in an hour or two, I won't need to take a lunch, I will grab something on my way back, etc. etc. To the hospital I drove, meeting Tim there who was working. I met Tim in the ER and we walked to labor and delivery, explaining what had happened, yadda yadda yadda. They hooked me up to the monitor, which Miss Kara hated, everytime they got her heartbeat, she thought she would be a true "mommy's girl" and decide to move...pissing off the nurses, who would have to come in to re-adjust, so needless to say, before I left she was known as Baby Brat Kara!

Well, just as I expected, the doctor came in, told me that everything should be ok, the baby looks good on the monitor, but if he would like he can order an ultrasound just to be on the safe side...I'm like...yeah...I've wanted another one, but they have no reason to give me one, so the perfect opportunity to have my 4D like I've wanted...so just as I thought we were going to have an ultrasound and be discharged...

We traveled to ultrasound and I got on the bed, he started the ultrasound and I said, I need to re-position (i was flat on my back, and I just fell down the stairs 3 hours prior and my buttocks is really sore) The ultrasound man put a cushion to raise my legs and I felt a little better...so I thought...I all of a sudden just felt horrible. I asked Tim if it was hot in the room, and he said no, and told me to relax, he felt my head and I was sweating bad and the next thing I know, I'm in a deep sleep dreaming, for about 10 minutes, I wake up as Tim and the "ultra-man" are rolling me to my side to get a better picture of the baby. I wake up and feel fine. I told Tim about my dream, and he looked at me funny. Back up to my room we go, get blood drawn, order my lunch, and the next thing I know, the phone is ringing and it's my doctor. He explains that Kara isn't breathing as well as she should be (she breathed 6 out of 8 times) and th blood flow from the cord to her isn't getting to her as well as it should be, so I need to stay overnight and be monitored and they are repeating my ultrasound in the morning. But, if things get worse we will be going to Syracuse. So, of course, I FREAK out and hand the phone to Tim so Dr. Doddard can explain everything to Tim. The next thing I know, they are starting an IV, keeping me still, taking my blood pressure every hour and now I'm getting a shot in my booty! The shot was help mature Kara's lungs in case she decides to come early (ok...now I'm really freaking out) I came here because I took a fall down my back steps, what the heck is going on! I finally get calmed down and got arrangements made for Brandon and everything, but I was still nervous. Luckily I had GREAT nurses who explained everything, and Kara was looking fine on the monitor. Also, little did I know until about 430 that I was also contracting every 10-15 minutes per the monitor. I didn't feel them, but they were registering and coming right along!

So, my lovely friends came to visit me and calmed me down and all that jazz, but once they left I was a wreck again, crying and carrying on, how I'm not ready, my bags aren't packed, to I wanted a shower and I hate IV's, I want to move, but everytime I do Kara moves and they have re-adjust the damn monitor and I dont' want to be a pain in the ass patient, etc. etc. etc.

About 11p.m. I decided it was time to get shut eye...yeah right...I was tired all right, but just couldn't get comfy and just when I did, it was time to take my damn blood pressure again, Tim, on the other hand was snoring away in the next bed over. At 3a.m. I carried on a conversation with my nurse for about 45 minutes or so, mainly we laughed at Tim, but I just wanted it to be morning so I could have this ultrasound, know everything is alright and leave because I just wanted to go home!

Morning came, new nurses came in, and more bad news followed. My ultrasound was scheduled for 8...which turned into 9 and I was getting a roomate, and I needed to stay until at least 6p.m. because I had to get another shot of steriods in my hiney for Kara's lungs. That made me just about NUTS. We went down to have our ultrasound and had the best lady ever (Darby) who assured me that things look alot better than the day before, Kara had the hiccups so her breathing was on track, she didn't see a cord around the neck, and the blood flow is better.

So, we mosied on back up to my room, who know is occupied by someone else who's being induced and I climb back in bed and sit...and wait...and complain to my mother, and cry to my mother how I don't want to be here, and what if this, and what if that, what if....Luckily I knew most of the nurses, so they were able to give me my shot a couple hours early and I got to come home around 430, but again not without crappy news. Dr. Doddard took me out of work until further notice, I have to come back Saturday for another tracing (be hooked up to the monitor) and he needs to consult with my Endocrinologist in Syracuse because he thinks that is what is causing all these problems, my thyroid or lack there of!

I'm home now, but I wasn't home 10 minutes and started crying, because now that I'm not hooked to the monitor and can hear and see her every movement, I'm nervous. I came home, jumped in the shower and came downstairs in my pj's and made Tim and the kids wait on me hand and foot. Brandon came in the house and looked all over, he thought Kara was here, and was confused on why she wasn't. I went to bed at 9p.m. and woke up at 9a.m., it felt kind of nice, but I also, was sad that I wasn't at work.

Today was a busy day, we got around and out of the house to run errands at 1230, we went to the doctor's office to have him fill out paperwork, had to get my out of work slip, take that to the bank, chatted with the girls, told them the story, paid some bills and headed out to walmart at 1ish, ate at subway (because I can't grocery shop if I'm hungry) well, that didn't seem to help $150 and 2 hours later we leave Walmart. I had to get stuff because I was determined to pack my bags today! We stocked up on meat and stuff to have in the house, now that we won't be going out to eat as much. We ran to Kinney's to get my perscription and came home. I had a few contractions in Walmart, which made Tim nervous, but I just wanted to come home and sit on the couch....yeah...right....

I went upstairs and decided that I am going to clean Kara's room and get ready! I finished packing her diaper bag, I hung some pictures, hung some clothes she got for Christmas, put my boppy cover on my boppy, packed my bag with my new Pj's and all my trail size stuff, etc. I just need to do some laundry to get MY coming home outfit packed. I got yelled at by Tim who told me to get my @$$ downstairs and sit down, but I, like normal, ignored him and kept going. I came downstairs at 5 and realxed, got up at 630ish and made dinner, planned next weeks meals and sat on the couch. We bought wooden letters and paint today at Walmart so Tim and I painted them and are waiting for them to dry, so I decided to blog. I'm sure the paint is dry so I'm going to go finish them now!

I will post more tomorrow after I get home from the hospital, throw a birthday party for my 2 year old step-son and all my company leaves....yeah yeah yeah...slow down and de-stress...there will be plenty of time for that when baby Kara gets here!

xx00 to all

Merry Christmas to all

Well, so I guess holidays are much like planning a wedding, all the anticipation and spending all that money and seeing people you don't see very often comes down to one day and a day that flies by so quick.

It all started yesterday, I got up and went to work, came home starting peeling potatoes for Tim's family to come over (his brother and sis-in-law), Tim stuck the ham in the oven and I finally sat about 4 while my potatoes boiled and Tim was out snow-blowing the driveway. They came, we ate, we picked up, we went to church at 7, came home opened presents, played with presents, visited, they left, we went to bed, of course not before Santa had to come and place presents under the tree!

This morning, we actually woke the boys up...yes...only the boys...we are having a VERY difficult time with Makayla, and it seems like a never ending battle and war. We all came downstairs together about 9ish and opened presents. This year was so much more fun with Tyler he was so excited. He actually THANKED us for each little gift he got. We would hand him a present and he would say "thank you". I think his favorite present was the set of matchbox cars I got at the dollar store for $1. He did love everything though. He got his own laptop from Uncle Doug and Aunt Katrina and played with that all night. Brandon got some big gifts also, mostly stupid games (x-box and playstation) he has been playing all darn day. We played with the kids for a while, made phone calls to family and then got ready to go up my Mom and Dad's. Poor Tyler got to spend Christmas with his "so-called" mother, so he got dropped off on the way to Croghan. We got there and visited and inhaled shrimp and opened presents. My parents got Brandon a fish pole that is like a rocket launcher. You cock it like a gun and then it casts 30 feet into the water. Tim got a wonderful new fleece jacket and a beautiful lamp for our livingroom, which he hasn't stopped touching since we got home, we've already ran-sacked the other light and put it in the attic and the new one is on the table. I got many things, things from necklaces to body wash to nursing pajamas to burp cloths. Kara also got some cool clothes from Grannie and Gramps.

Grannie got to feel Miss Kara move today (who as I type is kicking the ever loving crap out of me. I told her I wasn't leaving today until she felt her move. So I pigged out on Pork tenderloin and mashed potatoes and layed down on the couch and waited...sure enough she started moving, I called mom in and she stopped. Mom would leave and Kara would start!! Finally she got a little kick, it wasn't the usual "oh my" kick, but it was a little one.

We packed the Jeep and headed home around 730, I always hate leaving and I think next year I am packing up everyone and everything and coming to stay with her next year for Christmas. This is my second year not waking up at my moms, and I have to say it's better this year than last, but I still hate leaving. Kara will be here next year, so who knows what will happen.

I was listening to a Celine Dion Christmas CD on the way home that my mother bought 2 of, not knowing and gave me one, and I got quite emotional. We got half way to Carthage and I looked over at Tim and said..."well, it's 730 and I've gotten no phone call from Dad (California) or my Aunt Collette (in Syracuse)" And I know it works both ways, but really I have sent a Christmas card to both and have gifts for my Aunt and Cousins, but really it makes me soooo sad to know that they can't even call. My father, I can really understand, but not my Aunt. I text messaged my cousin earlier and she texted back, but still no phone call!

My dad (if I can sum this up in a few words) is upset and hasn't talked to me since September because he was told he isn't the only one walking me down the isle in September at my wedding. I mean, after all these years of him not being in my life, he really thinks that I'm going to let him, and only him walk me down the isle, when my FATHER Steve has really been my father for the last 15 years of my life. Mind you my dad and I haven't really gone a year consecutively with speaking to each other. Something always comes up where we end up fighting and we just don't talk. Well it had been almost a year and he showed up from California in Watertown in August, he showed up on my back step and thought we should talk and that after he left everything would be ok...and it was...it was great...I was talking to him almost everyday and he was helping me plan the wedding and offered graciously to pay for half of it and was extremely excited about being a grandpa. Then out of the blue in a civil conversation he chose not to continue to speak to me because I chose to have Steve walk me down the isle with him. He didn't think it was right and he said, he will not be there if that is how it will be. And he doesn't know if he will ever be able to get over it and he has chosen not to speak to me. It really shouldn't bother me because it's really just another Christmas where I haven't talked to my father, but he didn't even bother sending a Christmas Card at all, nothing...I'm so upset and hurt. In the past even though we haven't talked, he still sent a card, not this year. I sent him one...does that make me the bigger person?

I guess as my weeks dwindle down and there is only 6 weeks left of me being...well....me, I am getting more emotional and as always family is important to me, and I think in a few weeks I will be going through a life-changing event and it's hard even though I have the support and a father (even though he's not my blood father) who loves me like I was his own, it's still not the same. And a part of me doesn't even want to tell him and send him pictures, but I'm sure I will because I will be proud of my daughter and no matter what or who she is, or the choices she makes, I will never turn my back on her...I will love her...respect her and always be there for her, just like my mother always has been and I know she's not going anywhere.

Alright, time for bed, I can't stop crying. Just needed to vent.

...so I pee'd...in dollar tree...hehe

So, scenario...left a restaurant after having a couple water's and headed to walmart 17 miles away...got what we needed and started for the checkout...have an 8 year old with us, who wants to go to the toy isle. On the way there run into friends...chat for a while (sherry peer) finish and head back to the toys, rush both (yes both, tim is a kid too) to get going, check out and go out the door. Forget that I have to pee, because it's a monsoon out side and I'm of course just worried that my hair, that I spent a few minutes on is getting wet! So, we head to Dollar Tree and the boys take off, because I ran in to get stocking stuffers and I'm wandering, but hurring to get crap in the cart, when all of a sudden...AAAAA CHOOOOOOO.....and BOOM my pants are wet! Here I am, by myself and it's like the 3rd time I've been in the store (mind you the one in Watertown does not have a public restroom) and I don't think that they would either. So I continue to rush around and find a store clerk who I frantically ask if they have a restroom, and walk very fast and awkwardly to the bathroom...oh yeah...I pee'd!

Of course, I'm sure it's just one of many times this may happen throughout my life...and of course...I just had to share!

I really wanted so badly to have Kara today, I actually told Tim last night that I wanted to go into labor last night and have her today...but of course...I'm still prego! Today is my mom's 50th birthday, I just thought that I would give her a birthday present that she wouldn't forget!...I think she's just glad she wasn't a grandma in her 40's....love ya mom!

That's Just the Way It Is

So, another morning spent crying...I started crying when I rolled out of bed, all during my shower and on the way out the door...late for work...(not really, but my consideration of late). I'm getting so darn stressed out over the holidays. We have a house guest until Sunday. I'm working all week. Tim's got to focus on school, which leaves little time for work. I have 3 baskets of laundry that need folding and putting away, I have another basket over flowing that needs to be washed and dried...I only have one out of 3 kids wrapped...finally I'm done shopping...I will do no MORE! I believe the people in Kohl's know me by my first name. I finished up today on my lunch hour and still don't feel relieved.

Tim's doing his school stuff at Samaritan from 11a-11p, I am going home tonight and as much as I want to fall asleep as soon as I get home, it won't happen. I am not going to bed tonight, until all my Christmas presents are wrapped, my dishes are done, my laundry is in the dryer and my house is picked up. I'm so sick of things being in disaray. I get a break from Tyler tonight, no thanks to Heidi complaining to Tim, but there is no way I can get anything done with him there. He is in his terrible 2's and really wants all of my attention when I get home from work, and plus I figure he will try to help and I really don't want help! I'm working 8 hours tomorrow 10 hours on Friday and 4 hours on Saturday, I'm totally pooped! It's not like my next day off is a break where I can spend on the couch doing nothing. I'm actually looking foward to going on maternity leave to just relax and catch up on me. I'm so emotional, my thyroid issue is bothering me (the doctor is now worried about something called a thyroid storm when I deliver) so I've researched it, and of course I'm paranoid. I'm honestly ready to have this baby and the days are dragging on and on because I'm anxious. I got so worked up today, Tim got stressed and told me to call the doctor and come off work because I'm stressing way tooo much. Not a chance...I'll be here till my water breaks!

It's the Holidays...my emotion's are running wild!

Just a song that I burned a while back, I finally listened to the lyrics and thought that they are appropriate for my situation...especially around the holidays...


Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your brown eyes looking back at me
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all

Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you'd say to me

Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt


...on a better note...I've started wrapping my presents, got almost one kid out of 3 done!! yeah for me! For any of you already mothers...when will I be able to sleep again? I go to bed and fall asleep for a good 3 hours and then I'm wide awake for a couple of hours...I see between 4:00a.m. and 4:21 EVERYDAY!!! (Tim seems to think that's the time I will be going into labor) and by the time I get back to sleep...my alarm is going off at 6:15...I'm so tired that I hit snooze until 7...get in the shower...Tim gets up and gets me a bowl of cereal, I use one hand to blow dry my hair and one hand eating my cereal and when I'm done, I come downstairs, make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and walk out the door to work...usually in tears, because I'm so tired and don't want to go. I actually asked Tim this morning, when can I get done with work?...I think I'll be working until my water breaks!

Just Me

I just like my hair in this picture...we were at Tim's Christmas Party!

Those Little Things...

I was sitting in our lunch room after eating my left over spaghetti for lunch when all of a sudden Miss Kara decided she was going to show her mommy how she is moving all over. I had a kick here and a punch there and then out of no where she moved to one side it felt like she wiggled her butt and then moved to the other side. I just sat there staring at my belly in total amazement. It's like she knows what I'm feeling (which I know she does) and just knows when to give me a little nudge to remind me that things no matter how rough they are right now will get better and she is my angel sent to me from up above. As soon as she's born I know that my world will change drastically and today, my baby girl made me smile for the one of the first times of many to come.

LeT It SnOw...lEt iT sNoW...LET IT SNOW

o the weather outside is frightful and the fire (we have gas) is not so delightful...i prefer fire! we have places to go, it's not going to stop for a while....blah blah blah let it snow let it snow let it snow!

Well, Tim's brother arrived last night to 10 degree weather in Syracuse, not his usual 70-80's, but hes the dumb ass (and we've told him) that decided to come up in the dead of winter...but we are glad to have him!

Today started as a lazy day watching movies, but turned into a day of sightseeing...literally sightseeing the north country and its weather...yes...we...idiots...ventured out in the snow storm...now go with me on this one...for a JRECK sub! Yes, Jeffrey loves Jrecks, so mind you he's here for another week, but decided that he needed Jrecks today of all days. So, Tim, the smart one of the 2 of us (yeah...ok) decided that we won't go to the one that's 3 blocks down the road, we will go to the one that's 6 miles in Leray and then we can go to Super Wal-Mart and show Jeff...mind you Melbourne Florida has many SUPER WALMART's, but I'm sure this one's better! Well after driving for about 25 minutes to go 6 miles, Jreck's decided it was closed due to the weather. By now, I'm just in my usual pregnant miserable mood and trying not to show it, but why not yell at Tim who's driving and I'm in the back seat....uh...sooo mad. So...up Arsenal Street we go...now again, mind you...that Sunday is my day to sit on the couch in my pajama's and maybe do a load of laundry or 2...and sometimes not even shower...but I got my pregnant butt off the couch, showered and headed out to what I thought was only Jrecks....yeah...right. We go the Jreck's on Arsenal Street...we're the only ones there and then my lovely husband-to-be says...let's go to Lowe's and buy our Christmas present (we are buying each other a fireplace for our den for Christmas) I said "today" he said, well we are up here, we might as well...once again...pregnant scum bag looking in my sweats and sweatshirt smile and say sure hunny...anything for you...off to Lowe's we go!!!!!!! The stove was luckily out of stock, so we have at least a week before we get it!

Now, let's go home...NOPE...my stupid ass asked everyone what they want for dinner...Spaghetti..they all say...I said "how bout a frozen pizza"? Nope...Spaghetti...off to Aldi's to buy hamburger because they want meatballs too!!!! Then Aldi's didn't have egg nog...so yet another stop...and a phone call to invite Tim's other brother and wife to eat too!!!!

It's now 6:24...again...my couch time...and I am about ready to entertain guests...my only wish is that work is smart enough to close tomorrow....but I'm sure not...I'm sure all the schools and other places will be cancelled but not Northern Federal Credit Union!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should have become a teacher! Love and Hugs to all.

This one's for the Texas Gal

Alright Kristi here is your damn picture of all of me...notice the large ass too...I hear it comes with having a girl!

Well I've started my Christmas shopping ALREADY! I'm pretty sure I will never wait this long again. Next year I'm starting in October to get to the stuff that isn't all picked over. Kohl's was the greatest! I wanted to get it all done tonight, but I was just too tired from working all day and then coming home to listen to an old lady talk about breast feeding....funny story...have to tell you all later...maybe tomorrow! I am beat. So now, I'm heading upstairs to get my pj's on and climb into bed and cuddle with my hubby!

Why I Shouldn't Have Bothered

Why do I bother getting my pregnant ass out of bed in the moring? Well here we are! The Holidays just around the corner and this household not even close to being ready! Anywho...yesterday was a horrible day at work, I feel like I must have talked to 4,000 people in one 8-5 day! And not to mention one of my life savers that I work with (a 60 year old women) was suspended for an undetermined amount of time for cashing a $5,000.00 counterfit check...long story! So, after work Tim and the boys met me at the grocery store to get some groceries and then me...mommy...made the executive decision that Pizza Hut sounded great for dinner only one problem...Tyler pee'd through his diaper and me...mommy...had no extra pants for Ty to wear, so in the diaper bag we go (the diaper bag we haven't changed since summer time) to find a pair of shorts! Mind you Tyler just got done at the doctors and is one sick little boy with bronchitis! So luckily his "so-called" biological mother of the year put him in Brandon's socks so he had socks that went to his penis! So I changed his clothes in the back of the Jeep to a pair of shorts that are more like capri's but still shorts and hiked his socks up to his crotch and then put his boots back on...he looked like I busted him out of JRC, but he was still my cute little boy! We got to Pizza Hut and it was packed...which is a change from normally....so I asked the hostess for a table in the corner...I blammed his mismatching on spending the day with daddy...hehe...Tim met us with Brandon and Makayla and we ate...came home and unpacked groceries where I proceeded to bitch at Tim because he seems to wear his damn boots around the house without taking them off, scattering snow all over the damn place. Tyler was into the Chirstmas decorations and my blood pressure was on the rise as I just...uh....bitched!

Last night was undecribable as far as sleep goes. We spent over an hour giving Tyler his nebulizer treatments and then we gave up and let him fall asleep on me...mommy....and then we gave it to him. Ty and I passed out on the couch together until daddy woke us up and told us to go to bed! Then he woke up and was up till about midnight talking to himself watching TV in his big boy bed! And we were up at 1...2...3...4...5...and for good at 630....I said enough of this and I was gonna get ready for work! I was of course not in the best of moods this morning and I left for work mad at the world.

Now, mind you I have yet to work a Saturday at the bank, and if I had my choice...I would never work one again...we saw what seemed like 5,000 people today and I swear it was hell! I wanted to scream. I left work at 1245 and Tim and I went up to Davidson's to talk about financing our next vehicle that they found for us...well to make a long story short...we are keeping my Jeep until the first of the year (which yes...is only around the corner) but who knew that buying a house 6 months ago would kill my credit?

Now, to the best part of my story and why I should have just stayed in bed today! We got home from Davidson's and Tim took the babysitter home (his sister-in-law) and I proceeded to bundle the kids up like snowmen, while Tim got ready for work, and the boys and I went outside to put up Christmas decorations! Tim went to work (not my idea nor was I happy about that) and I proceeded again this year to hang up decorations all by my lonesome. Brandon helped but really was more of an 8 year old hinder than anything! After it was all said and done I went to pick up my stuff and shut the garage door....well you see....it came off the track! So...7 1/2 months pregnant, I decide that I should really fix it because there is alot of stuff in our garage that is valuable and this area of Watertown isn't really the greatest! So up on a 5 gallon pale I stood and tried to fix it...elbow deep in black shit...some belly pain...and alot of swearing later, I GAVE UP! I called Tim and said "I WANT A DIVORCE" His response...we're not even married yet!

I hung up...came inside...and am now cooking a gormet frozen pizza for me and the boys!!!! And soon...I'm going to bed....maybe I will sleep on the couch...It's more peaceful down here! Maybe tomorrow will be a better day...thanks for listening...I have a stinky, runny nose, coughing, sick 2 year old to tend to now, who won't stop playing Jingle Bells on a lovely gift my mother got me 2 years ago. Love you mom!

Weight Smeight...

So today's doctors appointment was uneventful, other than we are a little worried about me not gaining weight. I gained back the 3 pounds I lost last 2 weeks, but it didn't really hit me until my mom said "well I hope Kara's gaining weight" So...I'm worried about her now. She is my main concern. The doctor asked if she was moving around...and my response was...she never stops!

Now, after last nights blog (my mother is most likely cringing) I went to bed and Tim and I were laughing at my stomach moving all around, and I said I'm hungry hunny...I contemplated and contemplated but told him where my stash of candy was (above the fridge) so he went to get some, but made the mistake of bringing all 3 bags of candy up (now this is candy from easter still) so we sat in bed and binged on candy and giggled the whole time. It's like I fell in love with Tim all over again...we talked and talked and shared candy and just laughed....just thought I would post a little story! I'm going to go finish my dinner and eat!

post more later...i'm trying to do better!

xxoo

p.s a few pictures from my 31st week!

Just for Grannie...

Just some pictures of the nursery so Grannie Shelly can see them, without screwing with her e-mail! It's not COMPLETELY finished (those who know me and my lovely husband to be believe that the word for me in indecisive!) The weekend was pretty uneventful, but busy also. Childbirth class wasn't what I thought it would be, but hey...it's cool! Went to Moms for dinner (which I may add came back up, but I think it was the Chinese Mom, not the boiled dinner) Stubborn Kara wouldn't kick for Grannie, but sooner or later she will! It's off to bed, and in to work in the morning and a doctors appt. at 350...the usual 2 week appointment, put the doppler on my belly, measure me and say "see ya in 2 weeks"...I missed my calling in life, should have been a doctor!

P.S. We just got news that Tim's brother Jeff from Florida is coming to stay with us from the 15th to the 23rd...the kids are excited and so are we! HAVE A GREAT MONDAY EVERYONE...I'll post after the doctors appointment.

P.S.S It was good to hear from my trusty neighbors today(Ev and Di)...they love me...xxoo

yeah...yeah...yeah...it's been a while

It's only been 2 weeks....sorry Jamie Marie, I'm not giving you something to do in your hard day of work. Kristi keeps her's updated for you to read so...

Hope all is well with everyone! As scary as it seems, I can't believe Christmas is only 24 days away. I wasn't in the mood honestly until today. Brandon wrote his letter to Santa (even though he doesn't believe...go figure) last night and I've finally realized that I can get ready. I think that I'm ready because my mind set is that the faster these holidays come the faster the days go by and I'm closer to having a princess in my arms!

Thanksgiving was a bit of a turn this year...in my life, I guess I've come to the conclusion to expect the unexpected. My cousin was in a terrible car accident the night before and ended up with a broken back and had to be rushed to Syracuse for surgery. We got the phone call from my mother at 11p.m. on Wednesday night that Thanksgiving Dinner was cancelled at Mark and Deb's because Hailey was in an accident and about to be shipped to Syracuse. Tim made some phone calls and pulled some strings and ended up taking Hailey and Deb to Syracuse by Ambulance at 1a.m. To make a long story short, Tim, Mom, Steve and I went to the Sahara Restaurant for a buffet...Needless to say Mom was well enough "Sauced" when we got there...god love her...she's a hard working Grannie! We ate dinner and then decided that we would go back to Mom's for dessert. Along came the rest of the family and it ended up like the normal Thanksgiving as it should be...with Family.

Work is going great, other than the stressful days of the normal "new person" mistakes. I think, I may have had a few Braxton Hicks contractions yesterday, but it's hard saying. I have a girl that I work with (or I should say many) that are pregnant, but I have a good friend that is actually due in 2 weeks, so we confide alot in each other. She's jealous because I'm having a girl...I'm jealous because she is all baby and I look farther along than she is! So we get along just great.

I wanted to hang my Christmas lights out today but the wind chill is below ZERO. Tim and I have spent the day together and been having fun. Tonight is his Christmas Party for Guilfoyle so I went out and bought a fancy new outfit (even down to the socks) I am going to do my hair, and make myself look good...for me...I need it... Tomorrow is our Child Birth Class at the hospital from 8a.m.till 3:30 and then we are going to Mom's house for Boiled Dinner!!!! Yippeeee...have a great weekend everyone. I'll post more (I PROMISE) after Monday, my doctor's appointment.

She's so loved...

Princess Kara had her baby shower today with all of her friends and family...and a few of mommy's. She go so many great things! Grandma Shelly has to be the bestest grannie in the world, she had so much food and great prizes. She had lots of help from Kara's Great Auntie Teresa, Cousins Jenny and Caitlin. Oh, and we can't foget Great Grannie Carolyn.

Its just pure amazement the amount of outpouring love and support that we have in our family. Everyone was so great and caring. I am so lucky to have a great family...I'm just speechless!

I go back to the doctor tomorrow, I have lots of questions about "pain" and "moodiness" but I'm sure it's all normal!

Thanks again for everything EVERYONE! WE LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!

XXOO

So I failed....

I went today at 830a.m. before work to Samaritan for my 1 hour glucose tolerance test. Well let me tell ya, for those who haven't ever had one...in a few words...THEY SUCK...BAD. Anyway, I get there and go drink what I like to call "flat Sprite with A LOT of sugar in it" I plugged my nose and downed it and headed back out to the waiting room to sit with my hubby! Well I wasn't sitting down 5 minutes and Miss Kara decided that Mommy drank way too much sugar and she was going to have a party. My stomach flipped and flopped and she kicked and moved, I swear she was having a party in there. Even people who were sitting across the room could see my belly move and they laughed at me.

Now, stay with me here. I don't know if it's just people in general that annoy me or just this lady today at the lab office, but let me tell you the story. So in walks this girl with a little "mixed" baby and her mother. Obviously pregnant and sits near Tim and I. Well this girl who I later referred to Tim as "the crack whore" struck up a conversation with me asking me if I was here for my sugar test. I told her yes and in her mother starts about diabetes and how it just sucks having diabetes. I smile and kindly answer her questions. Then the "crack whore" asks me when I am due...I kindly respond Feb., she pipes back up and says well I'm due Feb. 6, Tim opens his mouth now and says, well she's due the 5th. Her mother all dressed in her for lack of better words "scum bag clothes without her teeth in and hair not brushed" said well you're HUGE (I mean this lady emphasized HUGE) for not being due until Feb. How much weight have you gained? I smiled and kindly said 13lbs. Then I felt my face get red and I wanted to cry. Luckily enough the place started to get busy and she found other people to annoy while I just sat there ready to burst into tears. Then when we got home my neighbor to top off everything says...I think there is 2 in there, look at you...THAT'S it...I cried on the way in the house...it's bad enough being "fluffy" to begin with but when people tell you that you look fat or huge that makes me emotional.

Anyway, yes, like I said I failed the damn test. I was out of there by 945 and my cell phone was ringing at 1145. My doctor's nurse telling me to call her. I called and she was out to lunch when I got down to Guilfoyle to eat lunch with Tim and told him, and we sat and waited for her to call and sure enough I failed and I need to take a 3 hour test. So that is scheduled for Saturday or Sunday which ever I decide to go to Carthage Area Hospital to get it done. I'm not too happy about going back to CAH, but it's got to get done. So, needless to say, I'm kind of bummed and am going to try to eat healthy from now until then, only the problem is, I don't feel like eating at all, all I'm worried about is my princess Kara.


xxoo

Kara's got a place to sleep!

Well, we're getting down to the wire. I have just started my "every 2 weeks" doctors appts. I almost cried yesterday when she told me 2 weeks. I can't believe that I have been pregnant for almost 9 months, yes I have 3 months to go, but I just can't believe that it's gone soo fast.

We got baby Kara's room started, she has a closet because Grannie Shelly is paranoid that Kara isn't going to have any clothes, so when Grannie Shelly started sending packages once a week we decided we better get Kara her own closet, because we know there is no room in Mommy's closet for Kara's clothes! She also has my bassanet (i'm sure i spelled that wrong) that I slept in as a baby, I can't wait to put her in it. But we are in the process of getting the crib and a dresser also.

I started my new job last week at Northern Federal Credit Union. So far, I LOVE IT and I'm so glad. I will be working on Commerce Street right here in Watertown, so it's not too far from home. It's a lot of training and a lot to remember but I'm sure that it's easier than it looks right now. And it's something that I can come back to after I have Kara and am ready to come back to work. We have been looking into day care and it's quite emotional if you ask me. I have so many damn questions on what they do during the day and I want to know everything about them and then there's the prices of day care...I just ended up crying. I have seen so many movies and watched so many programs where babysitters treat kids badly and I don't want anyone touching my baby. We may have made a decision but it's still in the thought process. It's one of our boss's wife, she has a daycare and she is sooo wonderful, they are a nice christian family and great people. Tim and I are just discussing the price right now.

So far, so good. I have gained 15 pounds and I now officially feel like a cow, I am at the point where I will just yell to either Tim or Brandon if I drop something because I can't bend over. Doctor says everything looks good and I should be right on schedule. I have my lovely glucose test on Thursday, so I'm actually eating all the junk food I can so in case I find out I have gestational diabetes I'm not deprived...I know pathetic. Well I'm off to do laundry and pay bills...believe me I'd rather be laying in the middle of the street in the freezing rain than do either.

xxoo to everyone

And the dreams begin...

So, I had one of those dreams last night...you know the one where you see your baby and she's perfect! Only my baby came out with a diaper rash and weighed 7lbs and was 3 months early...go figure. So ever since I've got up this morning that is all I've thought about. It's scary in a way because in my dream she was 3 months early, but she was also 7lbs, but I know for a fact she isn't 7 pounds.

I just have alot going through my head. My hormones are really getting the best of me...I still hate everybody and everything in my path way and really don't have a reason. Yesterday...a long story...was my last shift at Guilfoyle...was out on Fort Drum for 12 Hours and was sicker than a dog, and they couldn't find anyone to replace me...to make a long story short, I was glad I wasn't in labor because I'm sure I would have delivered in the middle of nowhere. I have my second interview this morning at Northern Federal Credit Union...my fingers have been crossed since last week. I really want this position badly and am hoping for the best.

This morning of all mornings has started out like SHIT (lack for better words...sorry). Tim left to go be the great white hunter with his brother Fat Albert at the ass crack of dawn...woke me up...didn't go back to sleep...fell back asleep around 7...alarm went off at 725...got Brandon up, got breakfast, headed out the door to a flat tire on my Jeep. Tim's truck is sitting in the driveway also, but Tim felt the need to take his keys with him, so I had no freakin way to take Brandon to school...oh did I mention its POURING OUTSIDE...who hunts when its raining...stupid men. (can you tell that I'm frustrated writing this...I just caught myself pounding on the keys). So apparently our neighbors have had the same morning because school starts in 10 minutes and Brandon is still sitting on the couch waiting for his ride. I would walk but I have no time. My interview is at 10 and I have to get ready. Tim got maybe 1...ok 2 threatening voicemails this morning and Fat Albert got 1...I got to talk to Doug...and I told him he is to have Tim on my back poarch no later than 9...that way they will be here at 930...again I say...stupid men...

Alright, my hormones have already got the best of me this morning...I am kicking the kid to school and taking a shower and spending an hour straightening this mop on my head....I NEED A HAIR CUT BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hormones again...sorry


love to all
xxoo

...and she's already a brat...

Well, we have in my stomach a little mini-version of me. I think because I've been such, lack of better words BITCH lately, my little girl has taken on the same attitude.

We had yet another ultrasound today, a normal one. I wasn't able to get a 3D one because they say I'm not far enough along, so I was bummed a little bit. But, Miss Kara didn't want to cooperate today either so yupper...we're going back again. She saw the chambers and the blood moving, but she doesn't think that it was visable enough for the doctor is see it, she said the doctor will say try again. She was just not in the right position and she kept moving and moving and hiding and wouldn't sit still. Miss Kara even got sooo upset she flipped us and the ultrasound tech off, we got the picture to prove it. We were getting a good look at her profile and Tim's says "her hands are in her mouth ooo and her feet too" and then all of a sudden she waved and her middle finger came up. We all laughed and the tech says "well little girl what did I do to you?" I laughed and then cried and cried again. It's just so amazing to see her inside of you and actually see what is moving around and making you laugh with her movements. On the other hand I can't believe she will be here is a short 3 months.

Soooo, lets talk about these moods...I never in a million years thought that I would be this MISERABLE. I am going through a slump where I hate everything and everyone that comes into my path. Poor Tim, he can't seem to get on my goodside and just when I think it's everyone elses fault that I'm in such a bad mood, I really sit and think that I know it's me. I've tried everything to make it up to him, but nothing seems to be working. He asked me today on the way taking Brandon to school if I hated him and didn't want to be with him? I cried and said I really don't know what is wrong but I do know for sure that I want to be with him and I can't live without him. So, I think his only way to not get me to bite his head off when he says something is not talk to me at all, or talk in short but to the point sentances. I have a lot of stress going on in my life, and I know it doesn't help. I just need to find a way to get out of it. I'm getting short with the kids and everything, it's not their fault...but i'm thinking it's their sister's fault. I know in the end it will all be worth it, but I am going crazy. Any suggestions?

Busy Busy Lives

Life has taken on a crazy busy schedule. No more sleeping in! We set the alarm everynight and get up every morning to the sound of Mr. Froggy on the radio, to walk across the hallway upstairs to get up an eager 8 year old for school. We drag around the house and then walk 5 blocks to school...it's fun, he's doing great and we absolutely love him here. Our work schedules have changed but we work at the greatest place which is very accomodating.

Brandon's first week living here is almost through, and we have had no problems so far, one minor but nothing major. He went to visit him mother on Tuesday night beofre he started school on Wednesday, and he was there all for about an hour. She called Tim and said she couldn't handle him he was fighting with his sister and she wasn't dealing with it to come get him. Her newest bright idea is to split them up for a month. Have Makayla and Tyler come here and send Brandon to his mothers. But that way they will never see each other. Even though Makayla and him argue, they still need to see each other. I leave Tim in charge of that BS, but am always around to give my 2 cents when needed. I believe it's only a matter of time before we have Tyler as well.

Little Miss Kara is already the apple of my eye. She never seizes to amaze me. If I'm having a "rough" day or just find myself thinking too much, her body starts to move around and it's like she is telling me to stop worry so much about stuff that will work itself out, worry about her and how she needs to be healthy. Monday we had a WIC appt and never in my life NEVER have I ever been told to gain weight, but I was told it that day...I literally cried. I got home and called my mom and cried. I told her that I was not NOT trying to gain weight. The WIC Nurse told me that I have only gained 2lbs according to their scales and their charts and its really not good enough. So I was handed the damn food pyramid that I have seen 12 million times and for the 12 millionth time it went in the garbage along with my frantic cleaning of the desk...oops. I know the food pyramid, I've known it since 7th grade health class for crying out loud. So I have just been trying to eat 5-6 small meals a day.

My search for a full-time job has hopefully come to an end. I had a phone interview today with a bank that is a mile and a half down the street. I think I nailed the interview so hopefully by next week I will hear more about that, keep your fingers and toes crossed for me. I know its not exactly what I went to school for, but it has always interested me. Of course my 2 lovely cousins also work at banks so why not join the crowd right? (love you auntie jaime).

Well I would love to blog more but A. I don't want to bore you with mindless blabbing on and B. I just looked at my clock and I have to be to work in less than 45 minutes for an overnight shift on Fort Drum (I have been luckly enough to sly my way out of them through more of my pregnancy, they caught on!) so off to work I go but not before doing some running around the house because Daddy is in charge tonight and tomorrow for school duty (I have to literally leave notes around the house!!!, gotta love them)

xxoo to everyone

Yup...I'm one of those

Well, paranoia got the best of me last night. The nazi cleaning lady days are over for at least the weekend. We were sitting eating dinner last night and I got this god awful pain down below that would come and go...the kind of pain where you would just saw "ouch" out loud, well that was me. The pain got so intense that I didnt' know what to do. Tim called the answering service and was told that my doctor would call me back...we waiting a very long 25 minutes and called the maternity ward at Samaritan, she told me to come in right away and see the docotor on call. So up we headed. Tim was working so thankfully all the great people we work with, pooled together and covered for Tim the rest of the night.

It hurt to even walk...it seemed like it took forever to walk upstairs to Labor and Delivery, of course my emotions didn't help at all. I wasn't as nervous until Tim started to cry when he got off the phone with the nurse then I lost it big time. There is just something about watching a man cry...especially mine, when he is more medically trained than I am and I figured he knew what was going on. The nurses were very nice, they got me in my room, had me pee in the cup, and got me in bed...wired me up for sound and asked 401 questions. The nurse that took care of me tried her hardest for like 10 minutes to get little Kara's heartbeat and everytime she would find it, she would go to strap the strap down and she would kick and move. So we know she is a stubborn little girl. She was moving soo much that nurses would peek their head in a laugh because they heard the machine in the hallway.

The midwife came in and from that point on this wonderful lady reassured me that everything was alright, I just have to stop doing so much for right now. I pulled a bunch of ligaments in my stomach and they need a couple days to heal. She put me on semi-bedrest for the weekend with the understanding that if I have any more pain like that to come back in. There was no bleeding or discharge (I know gross) but if there was to come back up immediately. She checked me and said that everything is closed and "feels" great so I have nothing to worry about. Her exact words were "that stubborn little princesss isn't coming out until she's ready which hopefully isn't for at least 16 more weeks"

I apoligized so many times for being one of those paranoid mothers who comes in for every ass ache, but I told them that if I didn't come in and something would have happened I would have never forgiven myself, they were fine and we were out of there by 9...so needless to say here I sit on a Saturday with soo many things I want to do going through my head, I wanted to make a good dinner, I wanted to run a bunch of errands, I wanted to do another load of laundry, but Tim made me promise that I wouldn't do a damn thing all day, he said if he catches me doing anything...he's calling my mother.

Clean...Clean...Clean...Sick...Sick...Sick

Good Morning...

I am waiting for my washer to shut off so I can put another load of laundry in to wash. Tim keeps telling me that I don't have to do laundry everyday, but I do anyway! I know it's only going to get worse when little Kara-boo gets here.

Well, I have managed to get myself sick. I hate being lazy, but lately that's all Tim has been telling me to do. It's been a busy first week of October and not to mention unpredictable. Monday was a busy day, it's pay day for us, so the normal running around doing errands and paying bills, Tim worked all day. Tuesday, more running around, Tim's oldest son Brandon (he's 8) is coming to live with us and starting in a different school next week, so we had to go fill out a bunch of papers at his new school and all that jazz, a little unexpected but a good idea on his mothers part in the long run. I made a deal with Tim on mowing the lawn and doing stuff outdoors so on and so forth, after he mowed the lawn and refused to let me at least weed-wack, by telling me to go sit down and relax, he came inside to find me on the couch sleeping. He woke me up and I should tell you I don't think he should have, I felt like total crap. I was all stuffed up and could barely talk. Dizzy wasn't even the word for it, I felt like I had been drinking for hours and just felt loopy! I forced myself to make dinner which I had maybe a bite out of and Tim was off to school...again here I sit. I picked up the house and sat around. It got to be about 9 and Tim was to get out of class and go right to work for 12 hours, so I decided that I was really dizzy and not feeling well so I jumped in my car and drove to JCC to meet Tim. I figured that if I was going to pass out, I didn't want to be alone here I would rather be out where someone could at least see me and help me, of course giving my fellow co-workers a chance to get some business.

I hate when Tim works overnight, but the money's great so I can't complain. I sleep on the couch downstairs when he isn't home with every light on along with our alarm system, but I didn't sleep Tuesday night...I was up puking from my toes and coughing all night long. I showed up the next morning at Guilfoyle to pick Tim up for my 8:30 doctors appt and he (looking the same as me, no sleep and just lethargic) said you really don't look so good! I of course started to cry and told him that I don't feel good and at least I showered...even though I was in my sweatpants and a sweatshirt for my docotor's appt. He reassured me and told me that today was the day that we go home, and go to bed all day. So we did until about 2p.m. when the phones were ringing and the dogs were barking. Only to get a phone call from work at 2:30 that I had to go to Rochester on a transport. I think I started to cry and my exact words to my dispatcher were "too bad to put on here" he laughed and told me that I am allowed to turn it down, so I did...and I didn't have to go! The kids were here for dinner on Wednesday and I cooked an amazing gormet meal of "Little Ceaser's $5 drive-thru pizzas" they didn't care. But in all, I wanted something sweet after dinner, I was craving chocolate chip cookies, but had no chocolate chips..settled for Oatmeal Butterscotch. Tim helped Makayla with her homework as I chased naughty little "Tyler NO" around the house. Poor kid is into everything and thinks his name is Tyler No. We say Tyler and he says NO.

Wednesday night was a rough night of coughing and tossing and turning with no sleep. Only to get up at 6 for my 12 hour Fort Drum shift on Thursday. I woke up and cried that I didn't want to go...Tim told me to call in but I can do the same thing in an Ambulance for 12 hours that I can do here but only out there I get paid awesome money...at home I get squat. So off to work I went moaning and coughing and just feeling like blah all day. Not to mention by the time Tim and I saw each other last night about 930 I had no voice.

So here we are...Friday already and I'm home alone doing laundry. Tim is taking a dispatching class all weekend...yup...friday, saturday and sunday from 8a-5p, so he is gone all day, and plus working 5p-8a tonight. Lovely life...I know! So this weekend is filled with cleaning the house and hopefully getting some of the nursery cleaned out so we can start on that sooner or later. I just want to get soo many things done around the house, but there never seems to be enough hours in a day or days in a week to get things done!

We have to have another ultrasound on the 16th. I requested this one be 3D so we can actually see what she looks like. Right now, all I'm worried about is that the blood is flowing good through the heart chambers. Hopefully I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she can sit still long enough so they can see it.

Brandon moves in for good on Monday, so we will post more then...I never dreamed that my life would be like this, but for some reason, I wouldn't change it for the world.

xxoo

She's "Dancing"

Well, I guess I've officially find her moving all around. I can now decifer the gas from the moving. Yesterday we put Grandma's Carolyn's wood in and she made the best clam chowder and everytime I took my first bite of my 4 bowls of chowder...hehe...she would kick. My mother seems to think that she is dancing in there, but who knows what she is doing, me, I seem to think she may be a hyper one!

Last night, after my craziness of thinking that everything had to be clean before I went to bed, I was laying in bed just rubbing this large thing in front of me and all of a sudden right at my belly button, she kicked...and hard, I yelled to Tim, but he was too late, she stopped. I tried to get her to do it again, but no luck. I felt bad for him, but he is cool with it and said that he will feel it sooner or later.

This weekend was just a range of hormones. I have did nothing but cry...cry...cry. Tim finally said to be on Saturday night, "do you want to go spend the night at your moms?" And I said, I would love to. It was a chance for us to get out of the house and just have a night away. It was wonderful. Mom was working but we got to visit with her when she got home. We got up on Sunday and went to church with her and then to grandma's for the day.

I have been having alot of belly pain. I think its just the belly stretching and everything stretching, but god it's painful...I just keep telling myself...no pain...no gain!

Her name is set in stone and I will finally post it because I have promised everyone that I will not change it. The kids love it and have been talking to her and calling her the following name:

KARA MICHELETTE

There it is...no Kennady and no McKenna...KARA it is...I go back to the doctor on Thursday, hopefully we will have another ultrasound soon so the heart chambers are clear, and on Thursday we will know about my cervix length...I'm hoping no news is good news and we can keep ourself shut without stiches!

I'll update more on Thursday.

xxoo

Well today has come and gone, and all the anticipation came down to just a few words..."you want to know what it is right?" and as soon as she said "It's a girl" instantaneously my heart dropped and tears started flowing, I look at Tim, and his eyes were just glowing, my mother and grandmother who were also there just couldn't stop smiling. I thought for sure that all this time it really was going to be a boy, until this morning, Tim got up to get the kids up for school and he said, "I had a dream last night that it was a girl" I smiled and rolled over and said to my self "it's a girl" I got up and took the half hour to do my hair and start drinking the lovely H2O and we headed out the door, I was so nervous.
The Ultrasound tech said that I will have to come in for more testing because she wouldn't stop moving around for her to get a clear picture of the heart chambers but it was nothing for me to be worried about. The baby is measuring big already, the ultrasound tech said that I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead of schedule so maybe we will have an early baby. The first thing I noticed was her BIG head, she will definitley have her fathers head.
Afterward, Mom, Grandma, Tim and I all went to Panara for breakfast and we talked about names and then discussed these wedding plans. Tim and I have also started to plan our wedding in the midst of all of this chaos! After that we went to Target because I have been eyeing this carseat since before I even met Tim, I said to my best friend Molly, if I have a baby and it's a girl, I am getting this carseat! Well with a pricetag of $269.99 and me looking at it for oh...15 minutes or so, I decided that it was probably stupid for me to spend that much on a carseat. We spent almost an hour in the baby isle in Target, Tim was hilarious. "Hun, look at this, Hun come here look at this, isn't this cool, oh my god I want this, hun, hun, hun". He was soo cute and soo happy. We've decided on a jungle theme, there is an 8 peice pattern in Target I think we are going with. I have to go register there in the next couple of weeks for my baby shower, so I think I will be going with that. My mother could not keep her hands off the baby clothing, she was grabbing things left and right. I of course bought a blanket that says "My little princess" I am of course the big princess and baby girl will be the little princess.
On another note, my maternity clothes got here today. No more rubberbanding my pants together (with the exception of my work pants) My mom saw my pants today and said, if you don't go get bigger clothes soon, I will buy you them and make you wear the uglist things ever! She bought me a shirt today in Target...she's the greatest!
Makayla and Brandon were absolutley esctatic when I told them. I had to go into work today so Brandon gets off the bus firsts and calls me and says, "so is it a boy?" and I said "try again" he's like "I get another sister....yeah....i can't wait, when is she coming, what is her name?" Tim got to talk to Makayla and I thought she would be a little jealous, but she was great with the idea and is excited that we will be having a shopping partner!
Our names have taken a turn. We or I should say, I with the influence of other people have decided that MaKenna and Makayla sound too much alike so Tim and I are debating other ones, what I like, he doesn't and what he likes, I don't so, I'm sure her name will pop up sooner or later! We weren't going to tell anyone the names for this now fear that I have that when people give their 2 cents it makes me think I should change it, Tim keeps telling me not to care what others think, but I want everything to be perfect, you know it's my first and all. It's actually gone way out of league and people are getting hurt by the whole situation, it seems that one just cannot be happy for another...oh well i'm happy and that's all that matters!
Well, I have a million phone calls to make and I'll blog again soon...she's really starting to move around alot so I will keep you updated!

The Names are Picked OUT!

Well, after talking to Tim and really discussing it, we have come up with names, we've shook on it and we have finalized them. We have changed the girls name, you know the last time I said no one is changing our mind....well after us saying it over and over the other night in bed, we have decided to change it.

We have put a lot of thought and talking about it and alot of research into the names and here is what we have come up with:

McKenna Michelette (Tim's god mother's name was Miss Scholette, my mother's name is Michele and my middle name is Collette)

Logan William (Logan is just a name we like and William is an uncle I have, my grandfather's name was Wilfred and Tim's godfather's name was William)

There it is, we weren't going to tell people because we just wanted to keep something a secret because next Tuesday we are finding out the sex, but we decided to let everyone know, I can't keep anything a secret, so what the heck...

I want this to be the last name picking, but I'm sure others will come and go through my mind, but I made Tim promise me that we wouldn't change it.

Well, I'm breaking down and going to buy maternity clothes today. A girl I know opened a new shop in Watertown and the clothes come in all shapes and sizes so I'm going down there to take a look. I'm thinking after 20 weeks of pregnancy I ought to buy clothes that fit, my folding down the buttons just aren't working anymore!

Confused, Frustrated and just plain "insert mood here"

Well, here I sit, on the computer once again. Many things that I should be doing around the house, but Tim's at school and then going straight to work, so I have the house all to myself. I have to be to work at 7a.m., but when the heck, why not blog.

So, I was typing away, doing things on the computer, ok...I was looking up baby names. And in the midst of it, I just decided I NEED TO BLOG. This is what happens when no one is around to talk to....I need to blog.

To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't the slightest clue what we are calling this creature inside me if it's a boy. We have had the girls name picked out since before we conceived...actually we picked it out one night laying in bed in Florida watching a TLC show and we've stuck with it and no one is changing our mind. I made my appointment today for my ultrasound for the anatomy scan...I have until the 18th of September but I'm still so nervous. I want to find out, but I don't want to find out. I want to be prepared to call it by it's name as soon as the technician says what the gender is, but I'm stuck on a boys name and just my luck it's going to be a boy.

Is this normal, so many things going through my head...I hate it when no one is home, I think way to much! If anyone has any idea what I should do, please feel free to give your 2 cents or even 10 cents for that matter.

I'm sure this just looked like I talked about nothing, but I'm scared that in 20 more weeks, my baby boy still won't have a name, that is if it is a boy!

17 Week Check Up

We had our monthly doctor's appt. this morning. Tim had to work at 8, but finangled something and was able to come to the appt with me. We got to hear the heartbeat, it was loud and strong at 142bpm, the doctor talked about genetic testing for downs and cystic fibrosis, so I agreed and went over to the lab at SMC to get that done, Tim went back to work.

Well, let me tell you about this phlabotomist (mom, that is the person who draw's the blood)...this DUDE, asked me if it mattered which arm he used (now I have been getting bloodwork faithfully for the past 3 years, and I figured that since the vein on my right arm is the size of Texas he would just choose that one) well he decided to use the left arm, because I think all of his junk was on that side and it was easier for him. Well he puts the tournacet (the rubberband thing mom!) on extra tight, and feels for a vein with his finger...I knew by feeling that he didn't have a clue where it was but hey, he was just going to give it a whirl. So the infamous "little poke" turned into a grunt from me, then I actually started to cry, I thought the needle was coming out near my elbow, he fished around in my arm for that vein that he ever so greatfully had before he started and I finally said "jeeeezzzzz" and he said "am I hurting you" and I ever so friendly said "um....yeah" I proceeded to tell him that I bruise easy and that they usually use a butterfly on me (mom, a butterfly needle is a very small needle that they use on kids, they call it a butterfly because it's shaped like one!), so the dude is like, "well why didn't you tell me" and I so everly responded friendly I may add...."well, you looked like you knew what you were doing, but apparently not" so we watched blood gush out of my left arm, and bleed through a cotton ball. Once the bleeding finally stopped he looked at the other arm, and in amazment said "wow that's a big vein you got there" I looked up ever so politely and said "yeah, I know, if you miss that, I'm going to do this myself" He prepped my arm and VOILA! he got blood! and wished me luck and I left there. That guy was not my favorite person of the day!

Well, I have in my hands, an order to go get my level II ultrasound done, within the next 3-4 weeks, but I think I'm going to make it 2 weeks...shhhhh don't tell, I'm a little impatient and want to know that everything is going ok, especially the size of the baby. Tim is convinced that there is more than one, he has since the beginning, and I have since the beginning given him dirty looks about more than one child in this belly! Well, I have housework to do, another yet oh so lovely thing about owning a home, so enjoy this rainy, crappy, cloudy day!

xxoo

I'm pretty new at this

Well, since I moved to Watertown almost a year ago now, It has been heard that alot of people wonder what is going on with me so I decided that I would take the time to update and tell people what has been going on...from the beginning...

Last August, I met someone who was out of a romance novel. Things started off great, I met his children one at a time...and soon I knew all 3 of them and was spending alot of time with them. Makayla (who is not biologically Tim's but he is the only father she knows) was 9, Brandon was 7 and Tyler was just 9 months old. I completely fell in love with all of them they were very polite children, they met Mom and Steve 2 weeks later, and 2 weeks after that we moved in together in Watertown. It was kind of a whirlwind deal, I couldn't believe that I was uprooting myself, and everything I knew to move in with this guy and for good, I kept thinking the only other time I moved out was for college, but I came back, I am not coming back this time. It still actually brings tears to my eyes, I still can't believe that I am gone.

Anywho...Tim is nothing short of great. My mother can vouge for me and saying I'm spoiled is putting it lightly. I get waited on hand and foot, and get treated like an angel, which is far more than I have had before. We began renting a 4 bedroom 1 bath home on the Northside of Watertown in October. We were able to put things the way we wanted. We spent alot of time painting, tiling, and cleaning. One day in November, I came home to find a For Sale sign in the front of the house, I quickly took it down, layed it on the ground (the wind blew it down) and called our landlord. They apparently needed money so they are selling for $55,000. She told us to put a purchase offer of $50,000 and they would accept it because the realator already had someone coming to look at it the next day and 2 people the following day. Well after discussing it with Tim, we put in our offer. It wasn't until the beginning of April and alot of bickering back and forth with the landlords and finding a bunch of stuff out did we finally close. It was all still a dream to me, something is finally half mine and I can do what I want to it, but I do have to say, being a home owner is really not all it's cracked up to be. So we also have a full basement and full attic that we are converting into another bedroom and bathroom...eventually...a 2 stall garage and an 15 foot above ground pool with a wrap around deck. Its a great starter house, we both dont' plan on being here long the way the market is, but for now, it's home.

At the end of March, I my first major surgery...I had a 3 benign tumors on my thyroid, after many doctors and many tests, I found the best doctor in Syracuse to meet with, I saw her twice and she said...it has to come out. I had it removed at SUNY Upstate on March 29th and had to spend the night in the hospital. It was ok, but nothing I would recommed to anyone unless it is your last ditch effort. I had some severe hormone problems after word, but 2 weeks later, I slowly came out of it. I had a month off from work, so Tim and I decided to take off to Florida to visit his Mom and Stepfather, his brother in Melbourne and his Father in Miami. My grandparents are also down there actually just 10 minutes from Tim's Mom and Step-dad, so we stopped in there 4 or 5 times while we were down there. We drove down, we took off Easter Sunday and drove straight for 19 hours (I only drove in Georgia for about 2 hours) We stayed about 10 days and took off back for home. It was a great time!

I went back to work on May 3rd to Carthage Area Hospital, only to have shit hit the fan and a week later I was then unemployed by Carthage Area Hospital...thats another long story that I really don't wish to share, because I would for sure have carpal tunnel after I typed that story. That night that I got done at the hospital, I had a interview at Guilfoyle Ambulance. I was given the job that night an started a week later. I absolutley am in love with my job! I enjoy every minute of it.

On June 3rd, we got the surprise that would change our lives forever. After about 2 months of no period (I have female issues, so I didn't think anything of it) I decided that it was time to maybe take a pregnancy test. So I got up that Sunday morning and said "what the hell" Tim was downstairs making breakfast and I was peeing on my stick. There was no waiting for any lines, that baby was as bright as the morning sun....I yelled for Tim, he said he was busy, I yelled again, he said wait a minute, my third yell was quite the yell, he came running up the stairs to find me on the toilet bawling my eyes out holding a test! He looked at it and immediately started in with his tears and hugged me and I cried and cried and cried and cried. Once the beginning shock was over, I was able to get off the toilet and come downstirs and we sat on the couch and talked, you know those lovely conversations of "how did this happen" "when did this happen" "how am I going to tell my mom" all of those lovely questions.

We decided to tell my mother who called and invited us up that afternoon, but only if we brought her a bottle of Vodka, because it's cheaper in Watertown. So we went to the liquor store I found 4 bottles of White Zin with baby feet on them, and wrote on everyone, "your going to be a grandma" I was soooooooo nervous to go, I pulled in the driveway and looked at Tim and said, I'm not telling her, I can't! I gave her the bottles of wine and turned away at Tim, she read the first one and put it back and grabbed another one and said "holy shit" and walked away from me. I started to cry HARD and thought she hated me...Steve was more happy than I think she was initially. Everything worked out and now we are 17 weeks pregnant and couldn't be happier...

The first trimester was hell, but from what I've read and who I've talked to...you will have that! The second trimester has it's days, I'm at the stage where nothing fits and I smell everything and puke at the smell of anything bad. I'm still working at Guilfoyle with everyone of my co-workers looking out for me, especially Tim when he has to be my partner, he tells all of his patients that I am his "fiance" and that I'm pregnant with his kid...he is quite the man!

We have also just started planning our wedding...I think I left that part out (Tim proposed to me on Saturday, January 20th, afternoon when I was working at Carthage...he did it in my office, well actually Brandon asked me if I would marry all of them and Tim gave me the ring)...so I guess I'm having a baby in February and getting married in September, WOW next year is going to be busy...I will post more later, we have a doctors appt tomorrow!!!